Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me

   What happens in an exam : Tik tok , Mind block , Pen stop , Eye pop , Full shock , Jaw drop , Time up , No Luck

   If Hillary won we would be under Sharia law. Bacon would be outlawed

   Because of Facebook, I paid my internet bill early.

   The only thing that stops a bad actor with a gun is a good actor with a gun.

   After she loses the presidency, maybe on Hillary's next trip to the Middle East someone there will chop her head off. . .

   I can hear my loving wife and kids scream at each other about who got chocolate on our couch while I try to hang myself in the bedroom.

   I hear Hillary is standing behind Senator Weiner. I guess if she can stand behind a slick Willey, she can stand behind a Weiner...

   why are men so smart during sex? because hes plugged into a genius

   it easy to blame everything on Obama coz he doesnt look like you?

   I'm a much better person than Mitt Romney. I only believe 30% of people are entitled freeloaders.

   friends in low places.

   Too Stupid to Understand Science? Try Religion.

   A vote for Obama is a vote for demise!!

   Feeding your dog Chocolate

   I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

   UK 1984 - "Feed the World". USA 1985 - "We are the World". And they wonder why they're so f**king fat.

   Remember when Ivanka and Donald manufacured goods in America? Yea I don't remember that either.

   Thanks for the advice, officer. I'll try to be less black next time.

   Shhhhh! I can't hear about how God spoke to you! I'm busy listening to my toaster tell me about his day.