Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just tried to wake my wife up, by throwing skittles at her... yelling, Wake Up, and taste the rainbow.

   "Did you hear that" - Hellen Keller

   Skipping the new Jackass movie - already saw Christine O'Donnell debate this week.

   I Changed Siri to a male voice,, and now I can't get directions and most of the answers are wrong.

   Quitting Facebook is the adult way of running away from home. Everyone knows you are just doing it for attention and everyone knows you will be back.

   Gas prices are so high I just saw 12 Mexicans on one skateboard!

   I can hear my loving wife and kids scream at each other about who got chocolate on our couch while I try to hang myself in the bedroom.

   it easy to blame everything on Obama coz he doesnt look like you?

   I hear Hillary is standing behind Senator Weiner. I guess if she can stand behind a slick Willey, she can stand behind a Weiner...

   why are men so smart during sex? because hes plugged into a genius

   friends in low places.

   I'm a much better person than Mitt Romney. I only believe 30% of people are entitled freeloaders.

   Too Stupid to Understand Science? Try Religion.

   A vote for Obama is a vote for demise!!

   Feeding your dog Chocolate

   I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

   Thanks for the advice, officer. I'll try to be less black next time.

   Shhhhh! I can't hear about how God spoke to you! I'm busy listening to my toaster tell me about his day.

   UK 1984 - "Feed the World". USA 1985 - "We are the World". And they wonder why they're so f**king fat.

   Some say the world ends in lees than a month... My question is this: If the world ends are we better off than 4 more years of Obama?.... Discuss...