Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I thought you said Eric gave you the creeps? I like tacos

   Untill now I haven't felt this much pressure on a particular thing, so... "why this kolaveri di"?!!!

   I don't know why it's so hard for ugly people to get laid. Just get together with each other. Problem solved.

   I wasnt that drunk...... "Dude, you yelled Team Jacob to my dog!"

   I set my daylight savings time back 13 years so I could party like it was 1999!

   You always hear about so and so getting robbed at gunpoint and this person or that was held up at gunpoint. My question? Where the Hell is Gunpoint and why does everyone keep going there?

   God is my co-pilot but the Devil is my bombardier.

   Hey fellas.... Do you buy your pants on sale? Cuz at my house they would be 100% off.....

   Every time you start thinking of your dog as human, they do something like eat poop. Then you think of them as German humans.

   please stop quoting the bible on your every other status, we all have our own copies.

   I bought some of that new emo lawn seed the other day... Yeah, It was a little more expensive,,, but the grass cuts itself.

   I look forward to the day when we glorify peace rather than war.

   This is your ass (_._) This is your ass in prison (_O_) . Any questions? Just say no to crime!

   available in HD.....highly demented!!!!!

   thinking men should come with carfax and a UPS label for an easy return.

   S.H.*.T.= So Happy It's Thursday! =)

   why is it called PMS? Cause mad cow was already taken.

   Nobody ever notices what you do at work but they sure as he!! notice when you don't do it.

   That little Justin Biber chick is really starting to piss me off! Why can't one of the Olsen Twins give her Herpes or something?

   Christmas parties are really just birthday parties for Jesus that he's too cool to show up for