Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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She said no booty calls. Well this calls for some head! 
I could never stay mad at you" actually means "cross me & I will drop you like an AT&T call."
If smoking is bad for you, how come it cures salmon?
When a cat sees a sandbox, he must feel like a human viewing a 50 ft. toilet.
The Eleventh Commandment : "Thou Shall Not Get Caught "
just watched 'The Wall' DVD while listening to a Pink Floyd album. If they are started in just the right sequence, the album synchronizes exactly with the movie. The words of the songs almost seem to be coming from the mouths of the actors. Really freaky!
I'm a little bit hungry. I could eat a pony
has finish with the Wild Turkey on the rocks for lunch, and moved on to Grey Goose straight up for Thanksgiving Dinner. this is just Fowl
When it comes to rotating the view of a picture or PDF, every bit of my sense of clock-wise or counter clock-wise goes right out the window.
has served enough burnt offerings at dinner that my husband is beginning to think he's a god.
..doesn't understand people who say "by now.." As in "by now you should have children,.by now you should be married..by now you should.." Sorry but if "by now" i'll "pay later".
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
I've bin so stressed lately I can't wait to get home and "bust a nut" and by "bust a nut" I mean I hope the wife bought pistachios!
wonders why when I see a pregnant woman and her man I picture them having sex???
thinks we will soon know if Al Gore still believes in cap and trade after divorce redistributes HIS wealth
I am standing out in the wind with my pants down and letting the wind blow me! Don't Judge me!
Today I didn't even have to use my A.K. / I got to say it was a good day.
Santa better take me off the naughty list or I will black out the moon on Monday night.
Any relationship before marriage is just training.
So windy in New York, the Statue of Liberty has been caught doing Marilyn Monroe impressions. 