Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Does anyone know where I can get more Lite-Brite pegs?... I'm trying to finish my Will and Testament.

   Elisabeth Hasselbeck is going to Fox News, which will be a better use of her skills, such as "having a face" and "being wrong about things"

   Trump mocks the physical appearance of a reporter who suffers from a congenital disease. Idiot.

   Fun Fact: At the end of Titanic, when all the people are dying in the water, you can hear a faint, "Marco" and then an even fainter, "Polo."

   I've read the final chapter, God wins....

   not supposed to be up this late...

   on my space trying to Google your you tube

   At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?

   The Eleventh Commandment : "Thou Shall Not Get Caught "

   just watched 'The Wall' DVD while listening to a Pink Floyd album. If they are started in just the right sequence, the album synchronizes exactly with the movie. The words of the songs almost seem to be coming from the mouths of the actors. Really freaky!

   I'm a little bit hungry. I could eat a pony

   has finish with the Wild Turkey on the rocks for lunch, and moved on to Grey Goose straight up for Thanksgiving Dinner. this is just Fowl

   My guinea pigs are smarter than you! :P

   She said no booty calls. Well this calls for some head!

   I could never stay mad at you" actually means "cross me & I will drop you like an AT&T call."

   If smoking is bad for you, how come it cures salmon?

   When a cat sees a sandbox, he must feel like a human viewing a 50 ft. toilet.

   I've bin so stressed lately I can't wait to get home and "bust a nut" and by "bust a nut" I mean I hope the wife bought pistachios!

   wonders why when I see a pregnant woman and her man I picture them having sex???

   thinks we will soon know if Al Gore still believes in cap and trade after divorce redistributes HIS wealth