Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why do baby clothes have pockets? What do they need them for..baby wallets?

   I can't believe so many Americans from the Bible Belt plan to vote for Trump. If he gets to build his wall, he'll be keeping Jesus out of the country.

   Judging people by their race and sex is wrong. I wish you priveledged white men would get that!

   President Trump's Favorite KFC Meal: The Suckers Bucket.

   Donald Trump's still calling the Iran deal the worst deal he's ever witnessed. Was he not there when he signed for his casinos & airline?

   Who needs a TV reality show when you have the GOP civil war to look forward to?

   If there is a god out there, it is his duty and responsibility to prove his existence to me. It's not a fellow human being's job.

   What happens when you pepper spray a German? He can Nazi.

   BOP IT! TWIST IT! PULL IT! ..... And that's how I lost my pen1s.

   Santa knocked on my door yelling "Ho, Ho, Ho!" and I told him that your girlfriend doesn't live here.

   Can someone please update my Facebook status for me. I had ravioli for dinner.

   If Phil Collins doesn't sing 'Coming in the HAIR tonight' as he jizzes in a girl's face, then why is he even bothering to be Phil Collins?

   Tagged Photos-Rule #1: The hottest girl in the pic is the one not tagged.

   X What does a Cowboys fan do after his team wins A Play-Off Game?....He turns off Madden and goes to bed

   It is not appropriate to refer to Kwanzaa as "Blanukkah" or "Black Hanukkah". Please make the necessary corrections in your conversations.

   Went marchin' outside, singin' God Bless Merica. Saluted and yelled, "Remember Pearl Harbor. Suck it Japanland. These colors don't run."

   I live by the ocean. The west coast, to be more Pacific.

   I hate liars, hypocrites, & people who take advantage of people who care about them

   Out of respect to my friends in Boston, I won't say how bad I hate the Pats and how I pray an earthquake will occur causing the side of the field they're on to open up, they all fall in, and then snaps back shut.

   I smoke cigarettes so that people will walk up to me and talk about death.