Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Whoever says that pizza is not good for you is sooo wrong. You can actually get every single food group into a single slice. You can't say that about much else.

   ‎"I'm sorry"~Reggie Bush

   Your Skin Is Pale White and you dont go out in the sun. Say it,Vampire. No I just play a lot of world of warcraft.

   shopping for halloween costumes with Tera Patrick.

   dressing as pac-man and chasing people in burka's.

   Thinks it's good to see some of the women at work growing a movember too.

   What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? “If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!”

   This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you'd be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.

   chugging NyQuil until sugar plums really are dancing in my head

   thinks the voices in his head need serious singing lessons (ever heard the Smurfs performing Enter Sandman?)

   ..is so poor, she can't even afford to window shop.

   if you expect me stop dreaming...I'd give up. If you expect me to give up...I'd stop dreaming. ;-)

   "We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love - first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage."

   Can't wait for Valentines Day so I can get that pre-printed card, written by someone else, and a stale box of chocolates because Hallmark is telling him to do it! How romantic!

   I've told you for the fifty-thousandth time, stop exagerating!

   you aren't as good as the rest of em till you beat the best of em

   the last thing you'll ever do is die..... It's true, just wait and see

   How do I set my Lazer Printer to Stun?

   thinks a religious war compares to 2 kids having an arguement who got the toughest imaginary friend

   As I was listening to myself sneeze, I realized it sounds like "eh choo" not "ah choo" so maybe my sneeze is Canadian?