Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Thinks it's good to see some of the women at work growing a movember too.

   What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? “If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!”

   This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you'd be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.

   chugging NyQuil until sugar plums really are dancing in my head

   thinks the voices in his head need serious singing lessons (ever heard the Smurfs performing Enter Sandman?)

   ..is so poor, she can't even afford to window shop.

   if you expect me stop dreaming...I'd give up. If you expect me to give up...I'd stop dreaming. ;-)

   "We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love - first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage."

   Can't wait for Valentines Day so I can get that pre-printed card, written by someone else, and a stale box of chocolates because Hallmark is telling him to do it! How romantic!

   I've told you for the fifty-thousandth time, stop exagerating!

   you aren't as good as the rest of em till you beat the best of em

   the last thing you'll ever do is die..... It's true, just wait and see

   Wonders if Old Macdonald has a Farmville addiction...

   thinks his facebook has been hacked! I'm going to change my password to: titus_b12bomberraid.. That oughta do the trick!

   if I mad 9.9 million dollars a year,.. a b*tch wouldn't be my problem either."

   Biggest trade to date: Lakers to trade Jack Nicholson

   Whats the difference between arrogant and ignorant? Brithish and Welsh

   ~ Telepath wanted...you know where to apply.

   puts the "fun" in dysfunctional

   All castles had one major weakness. The enemy used to get in through the gift shop.