Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   To translate Trump at the next debate,, the sign language specialist will just beat up a poor pregnant mexican woman .

   I may have Alzheimer’s, but at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s

   can’t wait to put “fully vaccinated” on my dating profiles like an adoptable dog.

   Oh shut up. You weren't even offended by the word deplorable until you looked it up.

   I started a new drinking game. I drink a shot everytime Trump tells the truth. I've been sober for 2 years now.

   Trump is trying to stop Yates from testifying because the only thing he hates more than strong women are strong women who tell the truth.

   I'm never going to marry a woman unless I'd be proud to have a daughter exactly like her.

   Christmas...-What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree eating candy out of your sock?

   ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeens, 4 friend requests, 3 I ignore, 2 annoying pokes and ME in need of happy hour!

   ┐('.'┐) ┐('.'┐) (┌'.')┌ ┐('.'┐) (┌'.')┌ (┌'.')┌ cus' this is thriller, thriller night.

   the fact that she loves anal is awesome...I just wish she'd layoff the hot peppers!

   Cat talking sh!t, girls gone, so the dogs and I are clearing the Living Room so we can have single elimination cage matches, winner gets to hit that pu55y...eeerrrr, cat!

   I must be the only person that didn't like Avatar. I fell asleep an hour into it. I mean seriously, if I wanted to see a love story I would have rented "The Notebook" then promptly shot myself in the face.

   TOYOTA, ONCE YOU DRIVE ONE YOU'LL NEVER STOP

   This is my facebook. This is my gun. This is for posting this is for fun

   Dear At&t, can you please stopping dropping my phone calls. I know the iPhone is a great money maker for you, but you guys don't enough bandwidth to service your FLIPPIN handheld media devices plus my FLIPPIN PHONE CALLS... mmmmkkkay thanks

   o═════<()¸„ø¤º°¨¨°º¤øº♪ ♫ ♪. 90 min of this annoying crap.

   All I have ever wanted is to be left alone......................in South America...............with a tribe of sex-starved Amazon women

   busy re-wrapping extra strength chocolate ex-lax in Hershey miniature wrappers for the Trick or Treat-ers this week end.

   You can tell the Pope is a typical Man... He decided to break up a relationship with God just before Valentines Day, just so that he doesn't have to give a gift!!!