Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Someone stole my Microsoft office and they're gonna pay , you have my word 
Always look both ways before crossing a Trump supporter.
What the schnitzel is Duck Dynasty?
I asked the librarian if they have any books on innuendos. "Yes, but it's a fairly large one, so you'll have to take it in the rear"
When Rihanna first started singing she was like yee mista dj song pon de replay, now she's like f*ck me with a shovel and slap my ti%ties
Someone stole my wife's credit card but I'm not reporting it because they're spending a lot less than she does.
Tebow remains unsigned. God delays game once again.
If someone is smoking a joint at a concert, and there isn't a nerd around to say they smell weed, did the joint ever get smoked at all?
Just once on "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition", I'd like to hear someone in the family say, "This isn't quite what I had in mind
When all else fails, just slap yourself in the face.
I Rock, Therefore I Am. I'm Stoned, Therefore I Have the Munchies.
wondering what name do atheists call out in bed?
Imac, i-pad, i-phone, i-pod, i-tab………. and finally i-bankrupt :(
Simon sure does look alot like Steven Tyler this year, huh?
Just remember if the world didnt suck, we'd all fall off
Wonders what the 1st person that ate a pineapple was thinking... Hmmm that's a funny looking thing, I believe I'll eat it.
The easy way to teach a woman the true value of money is to borrow it from her.
You know how you're in a rush to meet someone or be somewhere at a certain time and then they call you to find out where you are, you're so far away you lie and tell them you're somewhere like 10 min ahead of you
TThere is a difference between being "passionate" about your religious and political beliefs and being down-right "hateful." The former acquires respect. (...the latter gets unfriended.)
Married with Children is the best comedy out there right now! 25 years on...when are Comedies going to be worth watching? 