Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   #ThatMomentOfPanic when they realized he was really the son of God

   Regular a** (_!_) fat a** (__!__) tight a** (!) dumba** (_?_)

   wondering if a bra is called an over the sholder bolder holder then what is mens underwear under the but nut hut?

   To the person who said "God didnt put tattoos" on Amy Winehouse, God didnt make haircolor either, but Ms Clairol isnt going to hell. Ignorant moron.

   our economy has Dow Syndrome

   Me and my girl roleplay in the bedroom, she pretends she's Catwoman and I pretend I love her

   i just found a web site where you can see women with no clothes on not even underwear! brb!

   This year when I set my clock back, I'm setting it back to 1776. Back when the USA had balls and females didnt

   I heard the black box was found. Oprah spread her legs for Dr. Phil.

   ..believes so strongly in reincarnation that she's written a will and left everything to herself..

   I like to close my eyes when I'm kissing a girl...That way the pepper spray doesn't get into my eyes.

   I'm boycotting the next Nobel Prize award ceremony. Trump so deserved the award, but didn't win.

   I like how Movies will warn you "May not be suitable for all audiences". But what they really need is a "May not be suitable to watch with people who constantly ask questions about movies" rating.

   Loyal chicks are crazy, annoying, jealous, psycho & obsessive. But they make the best girlfriends, so y'all gotta deal with it.

   You ever wanted to post something but just didn't know what to say so you just didn't post anything

   Always look both ways before crossing a Trump supporter.

   Only a desperate behind the times can believe in polygamy.

   I will put my phone down when you put yours down....Ready set.....Wait Someone is calling

   Someone stole my Microsoft office and they're gonna pay , you have my word

   Tebow remains unsigned. God delays game once again.