Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Want proof America's getting fatter?? I Almost ran out of gas waiting to make a right turn on a green light. Woman's ass took 5 minutes longer than she did to cross the street..

   £1|{3 0h m¥ 90Ð (4n ¥0µ $p34|{ 3n9£1$h

   Birdie, birdie, in the sky, why'd you do that in my eye? Looks like sugar, tastes like sap. OMG! IT'S BIRDIE CRAP!

   Wanna know why god invented the womens belly button? So you have a place to put your gum on the way down!

   My girlfriend forgot to flush the toilet after taking a really big sh1t. Bad move. "It won't fit" just isn't going to cut it as an excuse anymore.

   Can you imagine how much more work women could do Around the house with 4 arms..

   bamboozled

   OOPS ..there goes my kids all over your face !!

   My only hope for April Fool's Day is that Trump announces this has all been a monumental prank.

   Don't mind seeing a nigg@ with a hideous chubber white girl, but hate it when sh'e's hot.

   Unemployment is down, deficit shrinking, home values up, stock market thru the roof…so the right needs to make up some Scandals!!

   "A Deficit... really? ... What do you mean we're overdrawn? .. can't be... I have checks left" -- President O'Bama

   Why is the FONT so small on Facebook all of the sudden. I see the Republicans have started with their nonsense already.

   ell your wife her butt looks big in those jeans. Live a little.. Life is too short!

   Obama slogan went from " Yes We Can" to " Thought We Could".

   We all know Obama isn't a natural born citizen, but did they have to send the obnoxious guy with the ferret on his head to tackle this issue?

   How come when old people get free health care it is called something nice like medicare, but when everybody gets it they call it communism?

   Happy Earth Day. Please keep it clean. After all.... it's not Uranus!!!

   Arkansas just passed a law allowing people to caring guns in church. If you need a gun in church, I don't even want to hear what you believe in for a God.

   Dear Mario, I wested my childhood just to save your Girlfriend!