Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ...Kim Kardash begs fan NOT 2 get surgery 2 look like her. Kim's right. Someone in porn shoulda begged Heidi Montag not 2 look like one of THEM!

   Baywatch" is now showing on Comedy Central ...Ironic..I thought it was a Drama

   I'm seriously reevaluating my MySpace Top 8

   According to all the forwards I received and never re-forwarded since I've been on the net, I will die 238 times and will have bad luck for 896 years

   With that interception returned for a TD by Desmond Bishop, Brett Favre has now thrown 5378 completions for a total of 463 touchdowns to the Green Bay Packers.

   A lot of times when a package says Open Other End, I purposely open the end where it says that.

   Goldfish and animal crackers.....Her favorite kind of surf and turf

   throwing the new MySpace Profile out with the trash where it belongs :)

   It's not warm in the car; you're rolling down the window because you farted.

   if you think being weak is meak, try being meak for a week

   Blame someone else and get on with your life.

   a cop owning a doughnut shop, it makes perfect sense, cut out the middle man...

   As the first chilean miner came to the surface he was quick to celebrate his 'rock paper scissors' championship 2010.

   I cannot be held responsible for anything you may have told me before I had my coffee.

   too large for worry, too noble for anger, and too strong for fear

   santaclaustrophobia.

   Yes guys the colors are bra colors they are wearing...it is for breast cancer awareness...Just tell them you give free mammograms or that NUDE is a color...HA

   i hate when horoscopes are right even more then when I hate when they are wrong

   Waves hand " This is not the Facebook Profile you want."

   thinks. Of all the places to get changed in secret, why the funk would superman choose a small box in the middle of a built up city which to be fair is mainly made up of windows.