Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.

   sometimes feels like I'm stuck at school in an episode of Peanuts where all I hear is "blah blah blah...blah blah...blah blah blah blah"

   Many will come and go but I know the diffrence between a woman and a ho so if you text or call and you don't hear from me you know which one you must be:)

   Cigarettes...because Skittles after sex just don't cut it!

   Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person.

   just watched the A-team. It was really good. I like the part when stuff blew up.

   Artist makes portrait of Rachael Ray using Cheetos. Unfortunately, a ravenous Oprah devoured the entire thing while visiting the set.

   trying to remember the thing I was suppose to remind myself about, but I can't remember where I put my sticky notes.. DAMNIT !!!

   ...Kim Kardash begs fan NOT 2 get surgery 2 look like her. Kim's right. Someone in porn shoulda begged Heidi Montag not 2 look like one of THEM!

   Baywatch" is now showing on Comedy Central ...Ironic..I thought it was a Drama

   I'm seriously reevaluating my MySpace Top 8

   According to all the forwards I received and never re-forwarded since I've been on the net, I will die 238 times and will have bad luck for 896 years

   With that interception returned for a TD by Desmond Bishop, Brett Favre has now thrown 5378 completions for a total of 463 touchdowns to the Green Bay Packers.

   A lot of times when a package says Open Other End, I purposely open the end where it says that.

   Goldfish and animal crackers.....Her favorite kind of surf and turf

   throwing the new MySpace Profile out with the trash where it belongs :)

   It's not warm in the car; you're rolling down the window because you farted.

   if you think being weak is meak, try being meak for a week

   Blame someone else and get on with your life.

   a cop owning a doughnut shop, it makes perfect sense, cut out the middle man...