Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Some people are weak and can't handle life so they turn to drugs. Some turn to religion.

   Oh, you want a free college education? Please tell me how serious you took your free high school education.

   This would look ALOT better in the toilet” -toddlers

   Sorry, quoting bible scriptures to me isnt going to convince me. I could quote "Stars Wars" or "Twilight" and it would be just as profound.

   Order a pizza from Papa Johns today NATIONWIDE-- they are making a donation to the families of the four fallen police officers in Lakewood (WA) - all pizzas sold on Tuesday, Dec. 8 and Wednesday, Dec. 9. ALL proceeds to a trust for their nine children

   "going to jail, directly to jail. She is not passing go. She is not collecting $200"

   filled with corn syrup, artificial ingredients and regret

   throwing the new MySpace Profile out with the trash where it belongs :)

   It's not warm in the car; you're rolling down the window because you farted.

   if you think being weak is meak, try being meak for a week

   Blame someone else and get on with your life.

   a cop owning a doughnut shop, it makes perfect sense, cut out the middle man...

   As the first chilean miner came to the surface he was quick to celebrate his 'rock paper scissors' championship 2010.

   I cannot be held responsible for anything you may have told me before I had my coffee.

   I've always been suspicious of people who operate their Christmas lights after New Years day.

   “Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.” - Mark Twain

   My eighty year old neighbor neither agreed with or could conceive the foreign idea of the “I before E” rule isn't that weird .

   it me or does that guy with the golden voice look like mac tonight ?

   just saw Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, should have been called Scott Pilgrim Vs. The IRS; because the rate of money they lost I expect he will be fighting them off for years.

   According to all the forwards I received and never re-forwarded since I've been on the net, I will die 238 times and will have bad luck for 896 years