Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Only Fat people follow KFC on twitter.

   If you think my wife is hot you should see my girlfriend.

   "If you are under investigation by the FBI. you should not be president -Donald Trump 7/14/16

   Here, put these floaties on your ankles ...

   What is it with the color, black, that makes you think of hard-core violence?

   about to beat my di@# like it owes me money.

   Osama 0 - Obama 1

   Press the F13 button to get a surprise! Yeah that's right ;-)

   im no gynecologist...but I'll take a look ;)

   You use your phone as a flashlight at night and hit random buttons to keep it lit.

   Boyfriend not calling you back? Send a text you're about to cut off all your hair. Ahhhh there he is!

   Sarah Palins name is becoming so big, That she can no longer see Russia from her house.

   Lean pockets: for those of you who don't eat meat, but still like diarrhea.

   at the Casey Anthony Abortion Clinic, It's NEVER too late...

   I think I'm gonna start texting random numbers saying "OMG, I JUST SAW YOUR FACEBOOK STATUS! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT HAPPENED TO YOU!!"

   #ThoughtsWhileLosingVirginity.........."So this is what all the hype is about huh"

   I'm writing a book about cheap imported cars... It's a real Saab story.

   In school days I used to hate that guy/girl who always reminds the teacher about tests and vivas

   AT&T should make a commercial with the pink dress girl naked and say, hey tmobile where is your clothes? And the girl can say you bought it right off my back.

   Will E.L. James' next book be called "Fifity Shades of Gay"?