Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4772 of 6371
I wish there were no women football announcers. Isn't there a badminton channel they can get a gig with?
Secret Service laptop with highly sensitive information on it has been stolen, Kellyanne Conway blames her microwave.
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03-19-2017 16:26
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BREAKING: Vladimir Putin gives Devin Nunes an 'attaboy.'
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03-24-2017 04:46
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The season is upon us and I personally enjoy a nice port wine for dessert. However sometimes a starboard wine is the right choice.
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11-12-2020 11:29 by DJJackson
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LADIES.. ! Please stop asking Santa for the perfect man..I've been kidnapped 3 times this week !!
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12-19-2020 18:00
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I’ve assigned genders to lollipops to make absolutely everyone uncomfortable
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02-09-2021 11:38
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I'm on hold with my bank and the recording says "Did you know you can access our website 24 hours a day?" No, I had no idea. I thought your website went "off the air" at midnight like a 70's TV station...
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03-27-2021 12:08
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A-Rod, Kobe and Tiger ... perhaps the three most arrogant athletes of our time ... all had pretty bad Fridays.
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04-13-2013 12:37
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Watching that episode where Scooby Doo takes a dump on the kitchen floor and Shaggy beats him mercilessly with an old newspaper...
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04-20-2013 13:15 by snotty
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I failed my driver's test. The guy asked me "what do you do at a red light?" I said, I don't know... look around, listen to the radio.
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04-22-2013 09:30
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Umm why the f^ck would I take care of myself? I’ll never be able to retire. Dying young is my only option.
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05-10-2013 21:48
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There's more to Alcohol than life!!!
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05-19-2013 12:41 by J.D.
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I love you so much I'll eat this pizza to prove it.
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05-28-2013 03:05
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My Ex-Wife once asked me to name a star after her...Fugly-McWh0re-B!t ch is the brightest star in the sky!!!
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06-06-2013 03:08 by BigSarge
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From the moment I saw you, I wanted 2 be inside You, The way you smell, The way your tongue feels, The way you tighten n loosen.....Gotta love new sneakers.
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06-21-2013 10:22
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My wife said I have to stop watching Chopped after I packed our son's lunchbox with wild ostrich, candy corn, avocado & rainbow chard.
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08-03-2012 14:09 by snotty
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So what your saying Chick-Fil-A, you will not be sponsoring Men's Olympic Racewalking.
There's a difference between leaving her unsatisfied and hungry for more.
apparently just having one of those days....tonight is definitely going to be sponsored by Coors light!!
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08-22-2012 19:23 by CJ
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How to you make a dish washer into a snow blower? Give the woman a shovel
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12-28-2012 16:54
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