Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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It’s always difficult to maintain that air of manliness when it comes to the ‘sucking her nipples' part 
I remember the first guy who broke my heart. Well look at me now, Jason! I talk about mundane stuff and drinking escapades to perfect strangers on the Internet. I got a lot going on, dude. You had your chance!
only Washington can call a decrease in the increase a budget cut...
I have never prayed so hard in my life that the new Pope that walks out onto that balcony is Dennis Rodman.
Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.
I have a crystal ball and when I sit down I do it very carefully.
I think I'm emotionally constipated cuz I haven't been given a SHhhhit in days!
ny psycho girls wanna hang out? Just text me like 5000 times and let me know.
You’ll never get the same results running on a tread mill as you will running from a pi$sed off Pit Bull
I hide my por n in a folder named “por n” on my desktop because I refuse to live in fear.
Yo Bit&h, Of course I'm sorry about your problem. Just like the other 1,536 of your friends that keep reading about it. Trust me... we're ALL sorry for reading it!
My wife has always wanted me to learn to dance. I think I'll learn twerking...
Married Men are always wrong, period. Or no period. ;)
It's amazing how students become so serious and focused during final exams week
I like to think of items outside the grocery store as the "Steal it. We don't give a crap anymore" section.
My daily pep talk pretty much consists of: It's ok, It's ok, it'll be funny in a few weeks...
Hello Miss I shave my eyebrows off and draw them back on about an inch to high !!!! Yeah that looks good if your going for the shocked look!!!!
Ladies, “how was your day?” is a rhetorical question. You don’t really have to answer it.
There's nothing that screams "originality' like a bar named Cheers.
A vegetarian that is for the death peanilty.....................wait what? 