Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "False information" spelled backwards is "False information"

   At 11:11 AM and PM today. It will be 11-11-11 11 11 and that doesn't mean sh!t. Carry on with your day folks.

   Lazy rule #1257687895 : You so lazy you didn't complete reading the number!

   have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

   What does Obamacare and Obama's NCAA bracket have in common? They are both busted.

   4-1 Germany over England LOL....guess "YOUR" sport has passed you by...

   adopted a white dog the other day and named him Stains. Now I can yell "Come Stains, Come Stains" out my front door!

   Obviously the only rational solution to your problem is suicide.

   (RAH)² (AH)³ + [ROMA (1+MA)] + (GA)² + (OOH) (LA)²

   I just realized why Obama raised tobacco taxes to exponential levels. It's pure profit from all his supporters continually blowing smoke up his a$$.

   beta testing your mom.

   Obama quit smoking for his health? Dude the diseases you catch from screwing the entire country is gunna kill you first

   The streets are jam packed full of cars this morning... that speech last night must of created a ton of jobs...get real people

   Solution to two of the world's problems: Feed the homeless to the hungry.

   What is the definition of trust? Two cannibals giving each other a BJ.

   did you hear about that kid napping? yeah the poor kid just woke up..

   the best times to have a breakup...christmas, valentines and her birthday

   2020 is a jerk! It only wants to make our leader look bad.

   to the one asking us to learn the effing language, we are bilingual, how about you? jealous perhaps?? :D

   We live in America where a girl threw flour on Kim Kardashian and was arrested on site. But the man who killed Trayvon Martin is still free.