Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   RIP Nelson Mandela, your 'I have a dream' speech touched me - Paris Hilton

   my wife gets all excited when Colonel Angus comes over

   I'm gay

   I wear knit hats because its cold outside, you wear knit hats because of Coldplay

   Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

   You know your a Packer fan when you consider your season a success by beating the 'Bears' and not by rings on your fingers

   I just met you and this is crazy but I wanna see your titts show me maybe?

   Gay dude was reading a holiday brochure then he tells his partner, "This year we should try Greece." His partner looks up and ask him. "Whts wrong with the Vaseline?"

   Titties without nipples would be pointless!!

   ♫♪♫♫♪♪♪♫♪♫♫♪♫♫♪♪♪♫♪♫♫♪♫♫♪♪♪♫♪♫Sorry iv forgot the words :o)

   If the show is called America's Got Talent, how come Howie Mandel is hosting it?

   We made Gingerbread Man cookies today, and I'm still laughing. My kids were acting out Shrek with them, and one was Lord Farquad: "I'm not the monster, you are! Now tell me where are the others!" The other was the GBM: "Eat Me!" Christmas with kids = win

   The Lord works in mysterious ways...like when he sent that alligator to drag the toddler off, right in front of his horrified parents. It's all part of His wonderful, divine plan! How mysterious.... Amen!

   I was thinking....it's going to be really weird when Biden moves into the White House and has to share a bed with Trump because he refuses to leave

   Liberal = hypocrite. YOU: must do as I say ME: must do what feels good

   I slipped and fell on some black ice this morning.. at least I think it was black ice cause it didn't pay child support for its 7 kids by 6 baby mamas

   poor Gary Coleman...he lived such a short life.

   Man that Game of Thrones is a much better fictional novel series than the Bible ever is.

   Right now, millions of people are mourning the fact that their President was born in this country.

   When I was a kid I thought there was nothing cooler than riding in a limousine, but as I got older I realized you could also do drugs in a limousine...