Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Rehab is for quiters

   FACEBOOK ALERT: Lebron James is now in a relationship with Lebron James.

   Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

   (_|_) (_/_) (_\_) doin the Happy Dance!!

   To who ever invented the padded bra... THANK YOU

   Going nite nite... if you see me in your dreams don't forget to say hello.

   You can't judge a book by it's cover, but you can judge a douchebag by his blue tooth earpiece

   Gene Simmons killed... what the hell was he doing in libya

   OMG!!! I am so f'd up...I drank so much last night..i woke up in my own vomit! Party!....woohoo!..I just chugged more vodka to cure the hangover!.....(this didn't happen, just wanted to fit in in Facebook).

   You think 7 years for a mirror is bad try breaking a condom

   If you are single maybe it's not everyone else, maybe it's you!

   Steelers menu tonight: 4 & 20 black (dirty) birds baked in a pie!

   Today, I heard someone calling my name. It was my neighbor. Turns out they named their dogs after my mother, my sister and me.

   Enough respect to women who know how to roll bada$$ blunts.

   Two antennas meet on a rooftop, fall in love, get married....The wedding wasn't much but the reception was great!

   I heard Justin Bieber is going transgender to become a man. He is going to use the name Bruce Jenner. He has already been awarded 936 man of the year awards too

   Ťhï§ ï§ hőw äň öřğą§m fəəļ§ whëņ pűť ïņťø wőřđ§.

   My friend came over today and left his new laptop on the damn floor. My dad not knowing how old fashion he is thought it was a scale. Conclusion: My dad weighs 980.34$ dollars.

   Christianity should not be cover for Douchebaggery.

   What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?...............wipes =)