Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4710 of 6369
Oh, happy day! This week, Hollywood will be celebrating the 25th anniversary of the release of "Dirty Dancing". Pardon me while I vomit.
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08-21-2012 13:02
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WIFE: You only hear what you want to hear! ME: Sure, I wouldn't mind a blow job as a matter of fact.
“Look at my face, does it look like I care?” – “Well by looking at your face, God didn’t care either.”
I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said "Die, Decepticons! Die!"
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11-14-2012 15:04
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Bacon jokes are so played. $hut up already and just go buy some.
Corvettes... Making haters hate since 1953.
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07-13-2013 10:22
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#bringbackourboys Lets make peace not war. Lets love and not hate. We are all the same. We all have the same inspirations in life. Let's do good for each other and stop the hatred.
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06-16-2014 13:14 by JMW
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It takes a 75% vote to be inducted to the Hall of Fame but only 9 people to decide for 500 million Americans ... Hmmmm
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06-28-2015 08:44
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This year when I set my clock back, I'm setting it back to 1776. Back when the USA had balls and females didnt
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10-07-2021 16:09 by Dynamos83
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I wonder what is more of a rarity, a four-leaf clover or a heterosexual cowboys fan?
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01-03-2011 15:40
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, "The car behind me is paying for two."
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04-23-2010 15:32 by Aaron
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How many Susan Boyle's does it take to change a lightbulb? AGHHH, Turn it off, turn it off!!
singing...I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go....
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12-10-2009 07:35 by mullerman
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The other day I threw a boomerang at a ghost. I knew it would come back to haunt me.
Please put this on your status if you know, or are related to, someone killed on the Death Star. People must understand that the Rebel Alliance is a band of murdering scum. The Empire wants only to bring peace to the galaxy but these rebels continue to ki
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09-25-2010 03:02
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This status update is not available in your country.
How many BBQ's do I have to get drunk at to prove I love Australia???
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07-03-2011 22:22
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One day... Facebook, Youtube, Myspace and Friendster will come together as one. It will be called, FookYouMyFriend.
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07-06-2011 07:12
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the hardest part of working in a restaurant is how your throat hurts after spitting in all those orders
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08-04-2011 13:25
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Just saw a baby with a shirt that said, not everything stays in Vegas.
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09-12-2011 16:49 by Jason
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