Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4693 of 6370
Quadaffi doesn't know what he's talking about. Al Qaeda spiked my coffee with acid and I don't want to destroy anything. All I want to do is wander around the landscape of my old copy of Myst and listen to Ozric Tentacles.
←Rate |
02-24-2011 22:03
Comments (0)
still has the christmas tree up in her room. I'm not a procrastinator, just an over achiever.
←Rate |
02-24-2011 23:27 by J0eBl0ws
Comments (0)
just separated 48 banana Runts from the other flavors out of the box. I feel like I just deprived a village of tiny monkeys food for a month
←Rate |
02-27-2011 15:56
Comments (0)
BBC News: Borrowers still struggle to get onto first rung of the housing ladder. I'm not surprised, the poor b-starrds are f-kin tiny.
←Rate |
06-06-2011 14:40
Comments (0)
"Silence is the best answer for all questions" "Smiling is the best reaction in all situations".
Generally, I'm a nice person. Just don't push the b**ch button.
←Rate |
09-15-2011 01:08
Comments (0)
Everyone does about ten sit ups every morning. It might not sound like much, but there are only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
←Rate |
09-26-2011 20:06 by BEGO
Comments (0)
We all want the shining red apple at the top of the tree, but sometimes we got to settle for what's on the lower branch, or in some cases we take what's already lying on the ground.
←Rate |
10-02-2011 15:42
Comments (0)
Protester Fail: Every Guy Fawkes mask you buy to show your support sends a royallty to Time Warner, one of the largest corporations in America.
←Rate |
10-12-2011 19:19 by Gil
Comments (0)
that moment when your standing out in the dark waiting for the bus and its a No school day..
←Rate |
10-14-2011 00:42 by marjoe
Comments (0)
Floozies are always talking about their hot bodies and cute faces but never about their brain.
←Rate |
10-14-2011 05:33
Comments (0)
If Easter Egg hunting was an Olympic event, I would have at least 4 Gold Medals by now. I'm not sure why it is, but I have this extraordinary sixth sense.
←Rate |
04-23-2011 23:55 by BEGO
Comments (0)
Hell just installed bunk beds - I heard Osama bin Laden got the bunk under Saddam Hussein....
←Rate |
05-02-2011 20:28
Comments (0)
procrastination personified.
←Rate |
07-09-2011 02:38
Comments (0)
Why do I feel like the garbage can in my house is a game of Jenga & nobody told me we were playing??
Lazy Rule Nos 7, 8 & 9: Errr, oh Just use Rule No.1 !!!
←Rate |
07-24-2011 05:46
Comments (0)
wondering if there's a business in Facebook psych evaluation? after reading status after status you would think instead if it saying "what's on your mind?" it says "how crazy do you want your friends to think you are?"
←Rate |
03-23-2011 17:05 by ptv
Comments (0)
After a long first game the Cubs seem to have been mathematically eliminated from playoff contention, Congrats to Ryan Dumpster, 6 runs in 6 innings not a bad start..
←Rate |
04-01-2011 16:39 by SEAN
Comments (0)
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
←Rate |
04-04-2011 22:11
Comments (0)
At this rate, the government should start up a fuel stamp program
←Rate |
04-04-2011 23:47 by Destiny
Comments (0)