Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Everyone does about ten sit ups every morning. It might not sound like much, but there are only so many times you can hit the snooze button.

   We all want the shining red apple at the top of the tree, but sometimes we got to settle for what's on the lower branch, or in some cases we take what's already lying on the ground.

   Protester Fail: Every Guy Fawkes mask you buy to show your support sends a royallty to Time Warner, one of the largest corporations in America.

   that moment when your standing out in the dark waiting for the bus and its a No school day..

   Floozies are always talking about their hot bodies and cute faces but never about their brain.

   If Easter Egg hunting was an Olympic event, I would have at least 4 Gold Medals by now. I'm not sure why it is, but I have this extraordinary sixth sense.

   Hell just installed bunk beds - I heard Osama bin Laden got the bunk under Saddam Hussein....

   procrastination personified.

   Why do I feel like the garbage can in my house is a game of Jenga & nobody told me we were playing??

   Lazy Rule Nos 7, 8 & 9: Errr, oh Just use Rule No.1 !!!

   wondering if there's a business in Facebook psych evaluation? after reading status after status you would think instead if it saying "what's on your mind?" it says "how crazy do you want your friends to think you are?"

   After a long first game the Cubs seem to have been mathematically eliminated from playoff contention, Congrats to Ryan Dumpster, 6 runs in 6 innings not a bad start..

   The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.

   At this rate, the government should start up a fuel stamp program

   you cant beat the stupid out of people but sometimes its funy to try.

   wonders if  regular squirrels get mad at their parents  when they see a flying squirrel?

   Few things broadcast one's idiocy like driving a car that has wheels that look like they cost more than the car itself

   It's always your favorite sins that do you in

   Real recognize real and you don't look familiar to me!

   Waiting for you to find me hiding in the closet so you can pee yourself when I jump out screaming