Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Guys like it when girls go commando, so I assassinated a Nicaraguan dictator.

   a relationship between two person should be like the relationship between the hand and the eye. If the hand gets hurt, the eye cries, and if the eye cries, the hand wipes its tear.

   Step 1: Invite guys for big game Step 2: Slowly lower volume Step 3: Sneak in teacups Step 4: Eventually turn off TV Step 5: TEA PARTY!

   Ok......I don't think this Black Friday thing is working. I'm still white?

   If you support traditional marriage you are not welcome in Chicago and Boston. "Don't judge me, but if you don't agree with me I will label you a bigot."

   ever notice that on a phone the word "mom" is 666?

   If you friend request me on facebook and your profile picture is a car, I will assume you're a transformer.

   To all my Facebook Friends.....If you are over 20 years old and know the name to a Justin Bieber OR DAMN a Lady Gaga song, PLEASE Delete me as a friend....I don't think I wanna be friends with you!!!

   I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.

   Nobody is perfect, I am Nobody.

   Teen pregnancy could easily be reduced if clubs had better lighting...

   Today marks the 98th celebration of International Womens Day... It only took them 240+ years to perfect the sandwich from when it was invented.

   Koran has been remixed more times than Madonna.

   Bruce Jenner comes out as a transgender Republican and trolls on both sides suddenly don't know how to direct their hate.

   One, two Freddys coming for you. Three, four better lock your door. Five, six grab your crucifix. Seven, eight gonna stay up late. Nine, ten, never sleep again...

   No matter what race you're, if you have an ounce of human decency in you, you should find Donald Trump to be a repugnant . A real POS.

   Love is when she throats you so deep she throws up on you, composes herself, then keeps going. She only regrets she had to stop for a moment.

   I'd like to get one thing straight....My Son.

   My son just told me a joke. So here it is, tell me what you think. Why do midgets laugh when they run?? Cause the grass tickles their balls.

   not the droid you're looking for.