Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you friend request me on facebook and your profile picture is a car, I will assume you're a transformer.

   To all my Facebook Friends.....If you are over 20 years old and know the name to a Justin Bieber OR DAMN a Lady Gaga song, PLEASE Delete me as a friend....I don't think I wanna be friends with you!!!

   Nobody is perfect, I am Nobody.

   Teen pregnancy could easily be reduced if clubs had better lighting...

   Today marks the 98th celebration of International Womens Day... It only took them 240+ years to perfect the sandwich from when it was invented.

   Koran has been remixed more times than Madonna.

   Bruce Jenner comes out as a transgender Republican and trolls on both sides suddenly don't know how to direct their hate.

   One, two Freddys coming for you. Three, four better lock your door. Five, six grab your crucifix. Seven, eight gonna stay up late. Nine, ten, never sleep again...

   No matter what race you're, if you have an ounce of human decency in you, you should find Donald Trump to be a repugnant . A real POS.

   I'd like to get one thing straight....My Son.

   My son just told me a joke. So here it is, tell me what you think. Why do midgets laugh when they run?? Cause the grass tickles their balls.

   Former Cuban leader Fidel Castro is reportedly a huge fan of President Obama and thinks he'd doing a great job. Boy, Obama hasn't had PR this good since the Rev. Wright was campaigning for him. Maybe he can get Gaddafi to say something nice too.

   Sexy,Single and ready to mingle!!!

   If girls are made of sugar and spice, how come they taste like anchovies?

   Obama was only elected so they could blame the black guy !!! mmm hmm <finger snap and head bop with attitude>

   just heard Weird Al just faked his own death.

   Religious girls are easy, once I convince them I'm god

   If you are voting for Donald Trump for President in 2016, raise your hand. Now slap yourself with it, you're an idiot.

   Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson will be starring on everyone's TV sets very soon

   S(he) (is) Br(ok)en.