Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I would bet you $50 Gary Busey calls his nipples Gary-olas

   These gas prices are crazy,I'm tired of being Sandusky'd every time I fill up!

   I ask a friend why he left his girlfriend. He said "I'm gay, plus in the end is the way I like it."

   I want you all to know that this will be my last joke on here because I am going to die at midnight tonight as a result of not forwarding chain mail.

   Wine me, dine me, 49 me

   Every time I see birds walking I'm like "YOU CAN FLY WHY ARE YOU WALKING" and then I run them over.

   FOUR MORE BEERS!!! FOUR MORE BEERS!!! oops I mean, FOUR MORE YEARS!!! FOUR MORE YEARS!!!

   I went out for a jog but quickly came back 5 minutes later because I forgot something. I forgot that I'm fat and can't run for more than 5 minutes.

   Lady Gaga went to the VMA's dressed as meat, now she went to the Grammy's in a egg. Two more red carpets and she will be a Denny's Grand Slam

   was trying to live the "Sorority Life" in "Farmville", but got caught up in the "Mafia Wars" at "Farmtown".....now my "Farkle" is all "Bejeweled" up!!!!!...help!!!!!

   when God made saturn.. he liked it, so he put a ring on it

   I vote for Chinx getting the vaccine last.

   Tim Tebow is the most famous white Bronco since OJ's truck

   A friend of mine drinks their coffee so black, it shot at him. . .

   Million dollar idea; Toilet paper with the Quran printed on it!

   Obama to visit Disney World on Thursday. I was there last week and a Cast Member told me villains didn't make appearances much anymore!

   OVER all the Toyota jokes already!! We got the point weeks ago. Please start thinking of a new failed device to crack on...cause the repetitiveness is quite frankly effing annoying....Thank You!!

   All these Parents today uploading Back To School Day photos of their precios kids are basically saying "Hey! Look what I Made!!" Get over yourself, you're ugly and so is your kid... Now smile, you douche!!

   Paula Deen at home watching the Trayvon Martin case just licking the white part out of Oreos then stepping on the black parts

   I don't get it. The Bible is not allowed in public schools but is encouraged in prisons. Maybe if we allowed the Bible in schools there would be less people in prison. Ever think of that?