Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'd rather be trapped under a train than to listen to a song by Train.

   I've run out of tampons, so i'm going to spend the next few days upside down.

   My husband is so nice to our new cleaning lady. The house gets so hot during the day so he lets her wear a small skirt and a bra.

   People who believe in God shouldn't be allowed to complain about the weather.

   At least men and women agree on one thing...they both don't trust men.

   Unless you want to have ugly kids, never marry a girl for her inner beauty.

   Hey Trump: As a guy who owns a bunch of casinos, maybe you're not the right person to tell us how certain things are "rigged."

   You keep Believing, I'll keep Evolving.

   In other news the country is headed for a drastic warm spell tonight because of all the hot air pouring from Obamas mouth.

   what sort of bees produce milk?.......B(o)(o)BIES !!

   Brock Lesnar will kick Cain Velasquez ass!!!

   Everyone is breaking up... Which means christmas is almost here!

   What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.

   Soooo.... Justin Beiber is pregnant. That's gotta be hard for a 13 year old to go through..

   Money is not Everything... There's also Visa and MasterCard.

   Those Who Live Simply Sleep Peacefully

   What is the weight limit on this roller coaster ??.....Because I am a little over my goal weight right now!!

   if you can't win an argument, correct their grammar instead.

   "I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 40, is that bad?" ''You spelled dad wrong."

   Dog diary: Me and my master played all day long! Cat diary: Day 147 of captivity.