Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ...Demi & Ashton tweet about doing master cleanse diet. Can't wait to see the pic of his 1st bowel movement taken w/the Nikon CoolPix camera... lol!

   whenever somebody says "Stop Laughing! It's not funny you guys" means "It's funny, just lets please laugh about it later"

   Apparently 2010 is not the year for Miners.....

   at home on White Wednesday.....just sayin

   feels sorry for people who are on trial. Their future is put into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

   never make eye-contact with anyone while eating a banana

   Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

   (̅_̅_̅(̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅(̅_̅_̲̅м̲̅a̲̅я̲̅l̲̅b̲̅o̲̅r̲̅o̲̅̅ _̅_̅_̅() ڪے one of my weaknesses.

   Women are designed for two things: making babies and making sandwiches, and they need help with the first one.

   Menstruation, menopause, mental breakdowns... Ever notice how most womens problems begin with men???

   80's rock group Starship shocked after hearing the President's speech to find that they didn't build that city on rock and roll, someone else did.

   Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's piano? Neither has he.

   I like my women like I like my dogs. Obedient, loyal, and always licking ...

   I was religious.... right up until about the age of reason.

   Arguing on Facebook is like running in the special Olympic, even if you win you are still retarded

   The Obamacare website doesn't work, just like most of the people who voted for Obama.

   The Definition Of Toilets: The one and only thing Obama is qualified to do, is clean toilets. . .

   .menstruation, menopause, mental breakdowns... ever notice how most womens probIems begin with men?

   "I have a dream" - Martin Luther King jr "I have a drone" - Barrack Hussein Obama

   What do you get when you toss a ball into a cage full of monkeys? NBA