Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4602 of 6384
The Obamacare website doesn't work, just like most of the people who voted for Obama.
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11-19-2013 13:38 by HiYourJon
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The Definition Of Toilets: The one and only thing Obama is qualified to do, is clean toilets. . .
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11-18-2015 11:29 by JAB
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.menstruation, menopause, mental breakdowns... ever notice how most womens probIems begin with men?
"I have a dream" - Martin Luther King jr "I have a drone" - Barrack Hussein Obama
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01-21-2014 08:58 by JEBI
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What do you get when you toss a ball into a cage full of monkeys? NBA
Ran into a guy at a bar who said he was a huge rock star back in the '80s I didn't believe but he was adamant.
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03-13-2023 10:37
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*ATTENTION* I have a copy of tomorrows newspaper complete with sports scores, police blotters, and other interesting facts!.. I'm selling this for $352.83 a true bargain!! I can deliver the newspaper anytime tomorrow after 9:00 am
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10-29-2012 17:20 by MDS
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When I was at the gym again this morning, I thought to myself "How can I subtly tell everyone that I always go to the gym?"
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11-14-2012 15:56 by Aaron
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Don't judge a woman by pounds and she won't judge you by inches.
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05-03-2021 07:33
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Fell down on the treadmill just now, got ice cream everywhere.
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09-27-2021 16:06
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Conrad Murray convicted of killing a pedophile and we cheer at the verdict?? I bet Dexter Morgan is pleased even tho he didn't get to make a trip to Neverland Ranch!!
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11-07-2011 20:41 by urboyblue
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When I was younger I used to have a lot of patience, but now I'm like Michael Jackson's Doctor & I have no patients.
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11-09-2011 16:01
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Sum girls beg&sum girls borrow sum girls lead & sum girls follow sum bring joy & sum bring sorrow but the best girls just suck & swallow!!
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05-06-2012 01:44 by FADOLO
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Osama's diary found? "Dear Diary, Had an OK day hiding here in the compound. Watched some CNN. 2 of my 3 wives are on the rag, so that's a drag. Well, that's all for now. Bye, Osama "
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05-11-2011 23:03 by Mike M
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"Lady Thatcher will not be seeing Sarah Palin. That would be belittling for Margaret. Sarah Palin is nuts." I love it!
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06-08-2011 18:09
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went to the Dr. to have a physical done, he told me that I have to stop masterbating, I asked him why? He said "because I am trying to examine you!"
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09-20-2011 11:17
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I wasn't that drunk. "Dude, you walked into Wal-Mart and when the voice came on the intercom, you dropped on to your knees and screamed, “GOD HAS SPOKEN”
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08-04-2011 13:53 by BAD GUY
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Drop a nuke on the oil spill...just worry about the excuse we'll need after they overshoot the target and bomb Mexico instead.
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06-03-2010 20:58 by doobydoo
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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10-31-2010 21:59
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Say what you will about Trump, he sure is loyal to the country that elected him (Russia).
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06-08-2018 23:57
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