Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Love is like a rubber band. At first we keep on pulling and pulling. Then when someone let go, it hurts the person who holds on.

   FACT: When a woman feels like her emotions are being played with.............She becomes the FBI...

   If I was the Director of NASA, I would make all of the ground crew dress up as Apes when the space shuttle Atlantis lands just to screw with them....now that would make a good movie...

   changing my iPhone signature to say, Sent from my bathroom.

   If your man enough to hit it, your mand enough to take care of it.

   Pick it, pack it, fire it up come along, and take a hit from the bong

   Man is the only animal that has the True Religion – several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat, if his theology isn't straight.

   ■When I was little… I always thought the moon was following my car.

   Life is funny. Well ok, just My life. Ok everyone please stop LOL-ing,ROFL-ing, and LMMAO-ing. Thank you

   The most dangerous animal you never want to come across on the African Safari is an American tourist.

   thinking Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

   NBA cancels first two weeks of the season. I hope Kim and Khloe are gonna be ok........

   liking someone who doesn't like you back is the worst. esp when you think about them every damn day

   I've got a lot of respect for born again Christian women. God bless you all. (One less slut out there for me to compete with.)

   when I am bored, I like to park on the side of the freeway and stick a blow dryer out the window and watch the cars slam on their brakes

   MAN: "Hi. I'm Bond.....James Bond. What's your name?" WOMAN: "Off.....Fu¢k Off."

   The world ain't ending on the 21st of december 2012, cuz Marty, Jennifer and Dr. Brown from Back To The Future II will be coming to this world on 15th of October 2015.

   2012...End of the WORLD... 2013 ... End of the Rumor...

   I love the taste of tuna, but I'm not a fan of the smell. This is true about something else as well, but I can't put my finger in it. Hmm.

   FYI: A great white shark, is just a normal shark with khakis and a high credit score.