Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you take Trump seriously, I assumed you weren't hugged enough as a child. Probably not getting enough sex as an adult either.

   Trump constantly flip flops on his positions, no one wants to see him wearing flip flops.

   Donald Trump willing to appear on national TV with that hair must possess extraordinary courage.

   Can you give me the opposite of these words quickly: Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down

   The day the progressive lady makes out with the Wendy's girl is the day I become a loyal customer to both.

   How come boogers come out so easy, and they are SO hard to get off your finger?

   You just don't know what awkward is until you call out your wife's name while having sex with her sister.

   Ice bucket challenge: als foundation admits less than 27% of donations fund research and cures

   Curling irons come with a warning label saying "For external use only." OK, now which of you sick women made that necessary?

   If you're afraid of the Dentist, it's probably because you don't go to the Dentist...

   If someone mistakenly Ass dials you then technically it's considered a booty call.

   I wish everyone a happy new year, and hope you all have a great 1982. With love, from everyone here at the alzheimers society.

   Every time two or more motorcycles ride side by side on the road,,, a bald eagle is gently wrapped in an American flag by The Lord.

   My son just said he doesn't like bacon and now I have to kill the mailman

   Casey Kasem: Coming to a milk carton near you.

   And The Bro saith unto them, Follow me to the club, and I will make you fishers of women. Bromans 4:19

   I dont care who you are, I want your name - Police

   If you are not looking to get pregnant, the pill is the second best thing a girl can put in her mouth to avoid pregnancy

   sometimes I stroll through homeless shelters handing out real estate pamphlets just for fun.

   Macho Man died today. He is survived by his wife and their one son Koolaid Man.