Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Today's weather in Cali....hotter then 5 fat girls in a min cooper with no a/c

   Steve Jobs was the Apple of our i

   If a little kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

   If Godzilla had a son his name would be Jesuszilla?

   come on playstation network you were hacked and have been down for 5 days, learn from Jesus, he was crucified and only down for 3 day

   I only have a Facebook to see where everyone is at, so I can avoid running into them.

   Whoooo!! Well Done Obama!!!!! ......... 2 soon? I think not!! :)

   The Mayans were so incorrect that... Obama just won their electoral votes.

   Donald J. Trump. The "J" stands for genius.

   Oh my bad, I thought this was a site where things were suppose to be funny and NOT express your religious beliefs.

   I cracked two jokes earlier about Malaysian Airways. The first got no response and the second crashed and burned.

   Seriously, if you get turned on by watching a woman eat a banana, then you've had some pretty terrible blow jobs.

   Dec. 4 1979 it was 91 deg. Was it Global Waring then too?

   Judge: "how do you plead?" Me: "your honor I plead oopsie daisies."

   If you're a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?

   I met a black clown and a white clown. The white clown made me a balloon animal. The black clown stole my wallet.

   it just me or does Obama look like an Angry Bird?

   I never really understood why people drive around the parking lot looking for a spot right near the door, only to get out and walk around the mall for 5 hours...

   White male, AKA inventors of nearly everything on earth...

   I'm so out of your league, even your fantasy version of me ignores you.