Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Doctor - "how is your headache" Patient - "She is fine." 
When I first met my wife she told me she was bi. I didn't realize until much later she meant polar.
I'll tell you. White privilege didn't exist in the high school Phys. Ed. locker room when the bIack guys were around.
.... Looks like the United States is finally going to get it's chance to become a Marxist Socialist State thanx to the Liberals that run the country. I for one would like to welcome our new task masters ... Guess freedom really wasn't free ...
"Make America Native Again!"
If you're looking for a good Trump pee joke, Urine Luck
SNL is going to be 2hrs long this week!
LA LA Land won the popular vote.
If you think Mike Pence referring to his wife as mother is disturbing, just wait until you hear what Trump calls Ivanka behind closed doors.
Dear Political Candidate, if you are going to enter our home via media, you need to follow our house rule #3: "Every time you say something negative about you brother, you must say three good things about him." My name is Cindy & I approve this status.
What's the speed limit of sex? 68; at 69 you have to turn around.
loves to go to Washington - if only to be near his money.
being boring is a choice. Those mild salsas and pleated khakis don't buy themselves.
I can't believe I wasn't paying attention at 1:11 on 1/1/11. Argh. I waited all my life for that to happen. Darn, darn, darn it. 2:22 on 2/2/22 just won't be the same.
I just learned that if you say Gullible REALLY SLOWLY, it sounds like orange. DT
Do kleptomaniacs take medicine or do they pay for it?
w Look at your status. Now back to mine. Now back to yours. Noback to mine. Sadly, yours isn't mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine.
Oh Crap!! It's been over 4 hours. Someone call a doctor!!
You know you're awesome when you know you're awesome.
That didn't take long: one of the Chilean miners is already cheating on Jennifer Aniston. 