Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Go to your profile, look to the right. Now annoy those 8 friends by tagging them in a stupid post about the zombie apoclyspe, or bank robbery, and let them know you have no life.

   Warning.. This Status is Rated TV MA LSV!

   Guys, You Know It Must Of Been One Hell Of A Night When You Can't Pee Straight... Err, I Mean See Straight.

   The IDEAL guy does not smoke,,does not drink,,does not flirt with other girls,,does not lie,,does not cheat,,...and finally does "NOT EXIST".

   waering "faux fur" is like eating tofu steak

   I called my stockbroker and asked him what I should be buying. He said, "If the current administration is in office much longer, canned goods, water and ammunition are your best bet."

   If you will lie about the little things, before long you'll lie about bigger things

   Be the one to stand out in the crowd

   You may think there is a lot wrong with you, but there is also a lot right with you

   bored..going to start deleting people who dont reply within minutes of my texts

   If you live in Texas and gained weight this summer, shame on you!

   Any man can admire your frame but a real man will admire the masterpiece within the frame.

   If you call my house and fail to leave a message, you deserve to be screened.

   Once you graduate college, pigtails become shorthand for "daddy issues."

   The very moment I can imagine a really hot girl taking a dump, is the very second I'm no longer attracted to her

   Changed your status to complicated? Can't decide which hand to use?

   Blonde goes to the doctor very upset..."i have these dark circles under my eyes n no matter how much sleep I get they wont go away"....."maam, those r ur nostrils" @_@

   I have said it before and I will say it again. IT

   Your pictures would look a lot better if they were real.

   If A-B-C-D didn't drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn't have to be so rushed.