Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I find it funny. If you find it offensive, that’s why I’m happier than you.

   Scientists, less of that new technology stuff and more of making a device that stops women from asking you questions during the game.

   Great music lives on in perpetuity to those who seek it.

   Its just facebook people lets try not to take to too seriously.

   People who think women are weaker than men should know that male lions only kill men when they are threatened or hungry while lionesses kill for fun.

   In my family we don't own a gravy boat ....we have a gravy tanker ship!

   tries to accept the things he can't change and change the things he can't accept.

   "I see drunk people." - Me, playing the starring role in The Sixth Heavily-Impaired Sense

   That thin line beween ‘I love you' and bullshi t.

   who cares how it's spelled or its scientific properties....to argue over it instead of drink it tells ur losers

   Coz that Pope started using Twitter, Santa just created his Facebook account. Guess what, all the kids are getting clothes and Bible for Christmas :)

   It's been over 30 years but I still have a bone to pick with my guidance counselor. Becoming a computer programmer did NOT make me a chick magnet. That's the last time I ever take advice from someone wearing Vulcan ears.

   It should be illegal to be up this early.

   I'll pretend to find you funny if you pretend to like me.

   I'll let you hold my son before I ever let you hold my beer. Which is probably a good idea since I'll be too drunk to do it myself.

   We were bored and pretended it was love.

   Before I fall in love I usually fall over the barstool.

   If my life was a movie, you would be here by now.

   The first thing I do when I answer the phone is hang up.

   All I wanna know is how the hell do you bring the lactose intolerant boys to the yard!?!?