Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   jokes about suicide aren't funny, cut it out

   Why is Cuba now acceptable but the Dukes of Hazzard are not?

   Kamala Harris looked like a smug litigant on Judge Judy being sued by her landlord for not paying rent; claiming it was a gift.

   A MAN WILL NOT RESPECT AWOMAN WHO DOES NOT RESPECT HERSELF OR HER BODY, IF YOU TRADE SEX FOR MATERIAL THINGS YOU ARE PROSTITUTING YOURSELF.

   It's all good to be a religious person.. Just do it way over there... Away from me

   Nearly 2 million DEAD Americans are still registered to vote... Therefore, President Obama might LITERALLY be reelected over our DEAD bodies!

   approves this message

   trapped in the Facebook status message textbox; send help!

   Go to church dressed as a superhero. They believe in the existence of a magical guy in the sky so your Superman outfit will fit right in.

   I signed up for the peace corps, but it sucks. Their definition of missionary is a lot different from what I thought when I told them on the application that is what I was interested in.

   Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

   you know Jay-Z isn't OCD because he only had 99 problems....an OCD person would have an even 100 problems

   It's a wonder the human race has survived if we can't even adapt to Facebook UI updates.

   I find it funny. If you find it offensive, that’s why I’m happier than you.

   Scientists, less of that new technology stuff and more of making a device that stops women from asking you questions during the game.

   Great music lives on in perpetuity to those who seek it.

   Its just facebook people lets try not to take to too seriously.

   People who think women are weaker than men should know that male lions only kill men when they are threatened or hungry while lionesses kill for fun.

   In my family we don't own a gravy boat ....we have a gravy tanker ship!

   tries to accept the things he can't change and change the things he can't accept.