Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Go to church dressed as a superhero. They believe in the existence of a magical guy in the sky so your Superman outfit will fit right in.

   I signed up for the peace corps, but it sucks. Their definition of missionary is a lot different from what I thought when I told them on the application that is what I was interested in.

   Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

   you know Jay-Z isn't OCD because he only had 99 problems....an OCD person would have an even 100 problems

   It's a wonder the human race has survived if we can't even adapt to Facebook UI updates.

   I find it funny. If you find it offensive, that’s why I’m happier than you.

   Scientists, less of that new technology stuff and more of making a device that stops women from asking you questions during the game.

   Great music lives on in perpetuity to those who seek it.

   Its just facebook people lets try not to take to too seriously.

   People who think women are weaker than men should know that male lions only kill men when they are threatened or hungry while lionesses kill for fun.

   In my family we don't own a gravy boat ....we have a gravy tanker ship!

   tries to accept the things he can't change and change the things he can't accept.

   "I see drunk people." - Me, playing the starring role in The Sixth Heavily-Impaired Sense

   That thin line beween ‘I love you' and bullshi t.

   who cares how it's spelled or its scientific properties....to argue over it instead of drink it tells ur losers

   Coz that Pope started using Twitter, Santa just created his Facebook account. Guess what, all the kids are getting clothes and Bible for Christmas :)

   It's been over 30 years but I still have a bone to pick with my guidance counselor. Becoming a computer programmer did NOT make me a chick magnet. That's the last time I ever take advice from someone wearing Vulcan ears.

   It should be illegal to be up this early.

   I'll pretend to find you funny if you pretend to like me.

   I'll let you hold my son before I ever let you hold my beer. Which is probably a good idea since I'll be too drunk to do it myself.