Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4560 of 6371
Coz that Pope started using Twitter, Santa just created his Facebook account. Guess what, all the kids are getting clothes and Bible for Christmas :)
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12-14-2012 13:13 by SANTA
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I have spent almost half of my life trying to come up with new ways to get out of things and situations.
I wish giants existed because watching them walk into telephone wires would be entertaining.
when a woman gets what she wants, she no longer wants that...
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12-28-2012 15:56
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Well, it looks like that huge asteroid will miss earth. I hope its not too late to contribute to my 401k..
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01-12-2013 10:03
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And the Oscar goes to.....Manti TE'O
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01-16-2013 20:06
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Are you trying to seduce me? I can tell by the way you didn't vomit when I said hi.
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01-17-2013 05:03
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Oh $hit....... I think my imaginary girlfriend has been cheating on me with some dude from Notre Dame.
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01-17-2013 07:57 by sully
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I call my bong a sculpture when kids are around.
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01-27-2013 12:21
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If my life was a movie, you would be here by now.
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07-21-2012 17:41
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The first thing I do when I answer the phone is hang up.
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07-31-2012 14:06 by Baddie
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All I wanna know is how the hell do you bring the lactose intolerant boys to the yard!?!?
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08-03-2012 09:43
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Quick! When the hunky bartender gets the security guard and points at you; that means he's interested right? I think I’m going to drink for free the rest of the night...
I clicked on one of those " You've been unfriended by 3 people" messages,,,,,,,,,,, Now it burns when I post..
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02-13-2013 11:45 by snotty
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Oscar Pistorius is probably kicking himself in the @$$ right about now.
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02-15-2013 20:41
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so lazy today that I cant even finish a
I'd have better people skills if I worked with better people
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02-23-2013 18:06
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I'm sorry... But I would kick that Waldo's ass in Hide and Go Seek!
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02-24-2013 13:50
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it me, or Monday comes around and your sleepy throughout most of the workday, but after what feels like 5-hours in rushhour traffic, you have enough energy for a Party with free drinks?
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03-04-2013 18:53 by Jitney
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no amount of cash is petty
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03-06-2013 15:48 by YODA
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