Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen.

   Has anyone invented a time machine? If so, "when" did I get one?

   Hmmm.. That's weird... I was the 100,000 visitor yesterday too... Winning streak!

   So much for President Obama's peace prize. Do you think they'll make him give the million back?

   I Guess We All Kno what seat Rebecca Black finally Chose The Backseat Fun Fun Fun Fun

   I thought about being atheist...then I realized they dont have any holidays

   Yeah I knew it was time to stop foreplay with this chic as soon as I heard her scream "YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE? YOUR IN THE JUNGLE BABY" as she was pulling down her pants.....

   Prisoners complain behind bars, husbands complain in them.

   Hey listen..If the rapture really does happen on Saturday, I totally call the popemobile.

   Thinking about posting a pic of myself in my underwear in support of my congressman Anthony Weiner........

   Dear drivers, unless you have the eyes of a chameleon. Please don't text and drive.

   Has come to the conclusion that FB is just like spending time with a woman. As soon as you finally figure her out, she changes.

   Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.

   Next time a mosquito bites me, I am not going to itch it and give him very low self esteem.

   If only I could figure out a way to fall asleep at work without anybody noticing. That would definitely be one of my top achievements in life!

   There are only two reasons to date a girl you've already dated: breast implants.

   Swords would be a lot less cool if we pronounced the "w."

   I think the Eagles would sign Casey Anthony to a contract if they could......

   Dear God , whats your policy on heart replacements

   You know perfect people are annoying because it is difficult to take advantage of them