Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   And if Hillary wins the election it won't be the first time in history that a criminal moves into public housing vacated by a black family.

   Scientists have discovered some intelligent dna in women, unfortunately 95% of them spit it out!

   I'm about to yell inside an envelope!....voice mail..b*tch

   now that the NBA is back in action, it gives black guys a chance to dribble on something other than Lisa Lampanelli

   Facebook should have a limit on how many times you change ure relationship status, after 3 in a year it should auto-default to "unstable"

   Relationships are like fat people. Most of them don’t work out.

   I had two naps today but every time I wake up I'm still at work.

   And just like that, people on Facebook went from being politicians to being epidemiologists.

   From now on I'm boycotting Shampoo....I demand REALPoo!!!!

   (With French accent) Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

   There are two types of girls in the world: my mom and sluts...

   Twinkle twinkle is stupid sh!t, so can you please stop posting it

   I'm watching for anyone complaining about the heat. I will copy your post and save it for winter. Then I WILL paste it to your profile with WHO IS HOT NOW when you are buried snow. OH you know who you are!

   Fat Girls are good for two things. Heat in the cold and shade in the heat

   Sarah Palin was paid 75,000 dollars for a speech at a California university last week. That works out to be about 25,000 dollars per coherent sentence.

   Got caught jerking off while sniffing my friends sister's panties yesterday.... Wouldn't have been so bad but she was still wearing them at the time. He went f*cking ballistic! Made the rest of her funeral very awkward for both of us.

   I heard ove a million people attended Obamas inauguration and only 14 of them missed work!

   My bad, I heard Bush's new book was called 41. It is about his Dad, not his IQ.

   Fort Hood suffers tradegy again. Perhaps they should change it to Fort Suburbs.

   a World Cup soccer game is like watching a bunch of nerds in a night club... A bunch of guys trying their best, and nobody scores...