Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4499 of 6446

My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that's okay with you guys?
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12-19-2017 14:25
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Who cares about Elmer Fudd's rifle. I'm way more concerned about them taking Marvin the Martian's Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator.🗼
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06-14-2020 09:50 by Fazzy
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Carrie Fisher said Trump would never be her president and damned if she wasn't right!
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12-28-2016 15:00
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Breaking news: Justify declines invitation to the White House.
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06-10-2018 20:01
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At least good old Bill didn't have to pay for blowjobs and sex.
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07-27-2018 18:18
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I always carry a bottle of acid in my pocket so if anyone tries to.attack me I can throw it in their face. Then all I need to do is outrun them for an hour until they start tripping.
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10-03-2010 02:29 by jimbo
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just saw the headline "Garfield cartoonist apologizes" and my first thought was "About time. That comic strip has been lame for decades"

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if doctor is cute, forget the fruit ;o)
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12-29-2010 22:08 by Sohaib
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I always thought differently than the other kids in school. Teacher asked us if we could be any animal we wanted what would we be. I said, "A Bird". Teacher said, "So you can fly"? I said, "No, so my sh*t can be white".

They should make Vodka ChapStick
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01-26-2011 12:16 by letsfly
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And if Hillary wins the election it won't be the first time in history that a criminal moves into public housing vacated by a black family.
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04-18-2016 20:50 by MWC
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Scientists have discovered some intelligent dna in women, unfortunately 95% of them spit it out!
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07-12-2012 14:30
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I'm about to yell inside an envelope!....voice mail..b*tch

now that the NBA is back in action, it gives black guys a chance to dribble on something other than Lisa Lampanelli

Facebook should have a limit on how many times you change ure relationship status, after 3 in a year it should auto-default to "unstable"
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12-05-2011 17:31 by mark
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Relationships are like fat people. Most of them don’t work out.
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05-22-2013 07:52
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And just like that, people on Facebook went from being politicians to being epidemiologists.
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03-11-2020 10:45 by Fazzy
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I had two naps today but every time I wake up I'm still at work.
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09-27-2021 16:07
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From now on I'm boycotting Shampoo....I demand REALPoo!!!!

(With French accent) Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
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11-15-2010 01:40
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