Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that's okay with you guys?
←Rate | 12-19-2017 14:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who cares about Elmer Fudd's rifle. I'm way more concerned about them taking Marvin the Martian's Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator.🗼
←Rate | 06-14-2020 09:50 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Carrie Fisher said Trump would never be her president and damned if she wasn't right!
←Rate | 12-28-2016 15:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Breaking news: Justify declines invitation to the White House.
←Rate | 06-10-2018 20:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At least good old Bill didn't have to pay for blowjobs and sex.
←Rate | 07-27-2018 18:18 Comments (5)  


   messageicon I always carry a bottle of acid in my pocket so if anyone tries to.attack me I can throw it in their face. Then all I need to do is outrun them for an hour until they start tripping.
←Rate | 10-03-2010 02:29 by jimbo Comments (0)  


   messageicon just saw the headline "Garfield cartoonist apologizes" and my first thought was "About time. That comic strip has been lame for decades"
←Rate | 11-12-2010 11:10 by mickeybruce Comments (0)  


   messageicon An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if doctor is cute, forget the fruit ;o)
←Rate | 12-29-2010 22:08 by Sohaib Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always thought differently than the other kids in school. Teacher asked us if we could be any animal we wanted what would we be. I said, "A Bird". Teacher said, "So you can fly"? I said, "No, so my sh*t can be white".
←Rate | 01-07-2011 21:49 by Jayson1464 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should make Vodka ChapStick
←Rate | 01-26-2011 12:16 by letsfly Comments (1)  


   messageicon And if Hillary wins the election it won't be the first time in history that a criminal moves into public housing vacated by a black family.
←Rate | 04-18-2016 20:50 by MWC Comments (1)  


   messageicon Scientists have discovered some intelligent dna in women, unfortunately 95% of them spit it out!
←Rate | 07-12-2012 14:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm about to yell inside an envelope!....voice mail..b*tch
←Rate | 10-28-2011 01:13 by @OMFG_Rel8able Comments (0)  


   messageicon now that the NBA is back in action, it gives black guys a chance to dribble on something other than Lisa Lampanelli
←Rate | 11-26-2011 06:55 by hoosiergatorfan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook should have a limit on how many times you change ure relationship status, after 3 in a year it should auto-default to "unstable"
←Rate | 12-05-2011 17:31 by mark Comments (0)  


   messageicon Relationships are like fat people. Most of them don’t work out.
←Rate | 05-22-2013 07:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon And just like that, people on Facebook went from being politicians to being epidemiologists.
←Rate | 03-11-2020 10:45 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had two naps today but every time I wake up I'm still at work.
←Rate | 09-27-2021 16:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon From now on I'm boycotting Shampoo....I demand REALPoo!!!!
←Rate | 09-24-2010 21:46 by greg2missy Comments (0)  


   messageicon (With French accent) Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
←Rate | 11-15-2010 01:40 Comments (3)  




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