Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm praying Weiner gets his blood flowing and comes back bigger and harder than ever after all this.......

   I'm getting my days events mixed up - Good Friday, Earth Day, Birthdays...I just sent someone a "Good Happy Irthday" message :S

   Lindsay Lohan has been released, so hide your jewelry....

   does anyone know where I am right now? Seriously...bring asprin if you do...

   texting people and asking for their phone number.

   Everything happens for a reason, and that reason is that life is totally random.

   the difference between try and triumpth is just a little bit of umpth!

   noticed it's very difficult these days to find something on television that doesn't have to do with cake! :/

   my dogs weird. I flip him off and he just wags his tail

   Irene is on her way and she looks mean, wet and wild. So make sure you prepare yourself for the beat down..

   It's so hot out... the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

   You should be ashamed if the only book you opened all summer was facebook

   Been in the back yard trip'in on shrooms... Stepped on those slippery little b@stards and busted my ass.

   In hard times like this, we need to call upon "Duck Dodgers in the 24th and a half century!"

   If they give you a bib when eating lobster, they should definitely give you a diaper for Indian food

   If you hear your past calling, change your phone number...;-):-P

   going to help support the Greek Debt Crisis by eating more Greek Dressing . . . .and Bakliva

   My Bathroom scale just did 0 to 235 in 3 seconds, who needs a sports car? Wow thats fast........

   Don't reach for the stars. You'll just look like a idiot stretching for no reason.

   Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.