Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4480 of 6446

Sometimes you got to talk to someone only once to realize why everyone else avoids them like a plague.
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06-22-2013 05:03 by Baddie
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Keep your friends close but your cupcakes closer.
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06-28-2013 20:06
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Happy Canada D'eh! Now let's get drunk!
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07-01-2013 15:52
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Oh well, this time isn't going to procrastinate itself.
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07-02-2013 17:46
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Why are rubber duckies yellow when most real ducks are not?
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07-03-2013 14:36 by Luka
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Some people's desperation is so hard to watch, I'm forced to wear sunglasses while I laugh....
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07-08-2013 08:48
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I think the #1 phrase that is guaranteed to make people argue is "what do you want to eat?"
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07-12-2013 21:16 by Cory
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I hate crickets in my house.....except for the one I just killed. He seems ok.
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07-20-2013 23:35
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the new prince should be be called....`s greatest hits!!!
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07-23-2013 02:14
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Just fetched the first watermelon of the year from my garden, so I get it royal baby fans. I totally get that sh*t.
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07-23-2013 12:13
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Better to have loved and lust, than to never have lusted at all.
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07-23-2013 13:28
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Whenever I see a beautiful woman with a fat ugly guy I think: ''maybe he owns a panda.''
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07-26-2013 02:41
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You can't be wise and in love at the same time.
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08-06-2013 12:28
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What do we want? INDIFFERENCE! When do we want it? WHENEVER!
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08-15-2013 12:49
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Had some dear friends come to me questioning my morels... I'll come clean... I really don't know what kind of mushrooms these are...
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08-23-2013 07:25
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It's ironic.... but wouldn't you love to be......."Booby Trapped"
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08-27-2013 05:25
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Granddad sure does love his baths - He's been in there for three days now.
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07-18-2012 15:19
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Yes,, Grandchildren ARE our future,,, But they're ALSO the reason why there's a smooshed sandwich in my Pricey Blu-Ray player,,,,, Hmm, our future
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07-27-2012 08:03 by snotty
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Won a gold medal in the brolympics tonight for hooking up with the fat friend.
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07-28-2012 08:19
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Your electric bill is not an acceptable topic of conversation.
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07-31-2012 14:22
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