Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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For my sister’s 40th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram. 
Life Observation: No matter where I live, my neighborhood has NEVER been even remotely the first stop on the mailman's post route.
Sorry,Philip Seymour Hoffman, hard to say RIP to someone who was so talented,directing 2 films, employing several people, having the world by the tail and to end up being found in a hotel with a needle in his arm.
Starting to think the frog dissection skills I learned in high school are never going to pay off.
Necrophilia, puts the fun in funeral
You guys want further proof there is no God? Justin Beiber is starring in his own movie about himself. Called Justin Beiber Never say never... IN 3D!!!!!! wish I was lying...
If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Kim Davis says war has been declared on traditional marriage. Still unclear is which of her four marriages is under attack. Or her multiple affairs while being married. Cons...lol
WELL DONE AMERICA!! THE WORLD CELEBRATES WITH YOU!!!
I'm incredulous over the fact that changing the name and picture on a pancake box has yet to result in racial unity.
Joe Biden reminds me of a drunk hobo ranting on a corner for a free beer.
Ok so everyone was bustin' Bush for hurricane Katrina in new orleans .... now where the hell is obama when we're having the biggest natural disaster in history .... its been 6 weeks, wtf is he doin besides watching the playoffs
What were electric eels called before the discovery of electricity?
First Mitt, now the Twinkie. Farewell, spongy, bland, artificial remnants of another era...
there is a drug available to cure homosexuality... Cyanide
my stomach is going "grr". does it hate me?
Did you hear about the gay dwarf? He came out of the cupboard.
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown
it kitty litter if you throw a cat out a car window
A woman robbed a McDonalds wearing mens underware on her head. No get-away vehicle was described however there were skid marks. 