Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   WELL DONE AMERICA!! THE WORLD CELEBRATES WITH YOU!!!

   I'm incredulous over the fact that changing the name and picture on a pancake box has yet to result in racial unity.

   Joe Biden reminds me of a drunk hobo ranting on a corner for a free beer.

   Ok so everyone was bustin' Bush for hurricane Katrina in new orleans .... now where the hell is obama when we're having the biggest natural disaster in history .... its been 6 weeks, wtf is he doin besides watching the playoffs

   What were electric eels called before the discovery of electricity?

   First Mitt, now the Twinkie. Farewell, spongy, bland, artificial remnants of another era...

   there is a drug available to cure homosexuality... Cyanide

   my stomach is going "grr". does it hate me?

   Did you hear about the gay dwarf? He came out of the cupboard.

   it kitty litter if you throw a cat out a car window

   A woman robbed a McDonalds wearing mens underware on her head. No get-away vehicle was described however there were skid marks.

   U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown

   I wonder if Woody and Buzz have ever met any of Andy's Mom's toys. They probably have the same names.

   got new a deodorant ..Instructions say remove top and push up bottom.. My a$$ hurts but every time I fart the room smells great.

   Can't we all just get a bong?

   Personally, I'm a big fan of wind mills.... Get it??

   Former Olympic Skater Nancy Kerrigan was arrested today on a DUI.....She blew 8.6, 7.8, 5.6, 6.7 and the cop.

   Happy International Women's Day :) Now go make me a sandwich, cause it ain't going to make it self. Chop Chop :)

   Anyone else see the ISIL talking about ISIL

   The biggest problem in society today is that there is an entire generation of younger people that have never been punched in the face.