Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ben of Ben & Jerry’s has come out with an ice cream inspired by Bernie Sanders. A carton costs $3.99 but when you include tax, it’s $200 million.

   The people in 1920 probably thought in 2020 we would have our own space ships and robots... but no. So far we've come up with two-sided tape and rubber bands shaped like animals.

   The Media in a nutshell... On the Flu: "It's going around." On the Coronavirus: It's coming after you, and it's coming hard! Bet on it!"

   *the year 2050,,,,,, "Grandpa, how did Trump ever get elected? ".... Well, we were a bit distracted, That was the year that adult coloring books came out

   One good thing about this winter snow storm, is it makes my lawn look as good as my neighbors.

   FOX News compares the confederate monuments to the 9/11 memorials.....Okay, if you say so. They're FOX News, they are always right, right?

   I was at the park flying my kite and this random guy came up to me and said "You flying a kite?" I replied "Nah I'm fishing for birds"

   The Pet Shop Boys have finished their first ballet score. Which answers the question as to how their music could possibly be any more gay.

   If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments or a court date.

   Pet Peeve #5742....It annoys me when people text me and I respond and then all of a sudden it stops in mid-text like your stopping in mid conversation...and then I patiently wait and nothing... it drives me crazy...finish your text or dont text me at all!

   I have received several E-mails over the years called"The People of Walmart" I would like to start a new E-mail called"The people of the DMV" I was especially fond of the pregnant woman waiting next to us, feeding her toddlers a McDonalds breakfast. Honor

   having some serious PMS: Parked Motorcycle Syndrome!

   My favorite pickup line: Hey, what's your address, and are you a light sleeper?

   Hey, to any friend that has has ever helped me out THANKS, I'm sure I've told you before but I have just been thinking about all that other have done for me and I really appreciate it !!!! THANK YOU !!!

   From the way Vancouver goalie Roberto Loungo is playing in the Stanly Cup, it appears that he watched too much of the NBA Finals and wants to change his name to LeBron-go...

   Daddy I may find my Prince but you wil always be my King....Happy fathers day!!!

   wishes she was as funny in real life as she is on facebook

   I just read a story about how Justin Bierber likes to wear woman's jeans. I guess his package must be too small to need crotch room.

   "That's The Night That The Lights Went Out In Georgia"

   Girl, I will stay with you through thick and thin…. but preferably thin.