Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's ok Sweden, a silver is still better than what the Americans got.

   Ever since I found those "Free Kittens" ads on Craigslist it's saved me a lot of money feeding my boa constrictor.

   You wanted Obama's birth certificate...well we want Sarah Palin's High School diploma

   Hey, Windows 8..... YOU SUCK... I should have bought a Mac...

   This coconut water tastes like I'm a stuck-up snob who enjoys wasting money on health scams... Acai smoothies, anyone?

   BREAKING NEWS: Vladimir Putin moves two Boy Scout Troops to the Russian/Polish boarder. France surrendered

   . Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men ... woman

   just added a guy on facebook named "emon", just so I could Poke Emon

   I love getting all these "you are soo funny"!" You make me laugh so much!!" Yeah well I can make you moan also status king blah

   how do you lose a war against a country that is not even formed yet? I do not know but just ask a Brit.

   wondering what to do for valentines day......... other than get drunk and listen to Joy Division while engaging in auto erotic asphyxiation to a discovery channel documentary regarding the breeding habits of the Fiordland Crested Penguin.

   I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This.

   Top 5 causes of loose stools: 5. Indian food 4. Lactose 3. Coffee 2. Mexican food 1. IKEA

   rσsєs αrє rєd, víσlєts αrє вluє. díd чσu αctuαllч thínk í'd crч σvєr чσu? í tσld чσu í lσvєd чσu, чσu вєlíєvєd ít wαs truє. guєss whαt вαвч? чσu gσt plαчєd tσσ.♥

   It's called PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

   Honestly, we should be thanking North Korea from wasting our time on another awful Seth Rogen movie.

   My girlfriend just caught me blow-drying my pennis and asked me what was I doing.....Apparently, "heating your dinner!" was not a good answer!

   Facebook and Twitter are no different than commun¡st countries who control the media. Although they aren't government entities, they still have far reaching influence due to their sizable presence.

   in the process of becoming a Mexican Citizen, so I can sneak back into the States and get better health coverage, financial aid, a tax free paying job, cheaper housing and all the other glorious benefits that we give out illegal immigrants.

   surrounded by incompetence.