Matt Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon My Pride flag is up all year around, it's red, white, and blue. Merica' 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸
←Rate | 07-02-2021 18:52 by Matt Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask someone else first.
←Rate | 05-18-2011 21:54 by matt Comments (0)  

   messageicon There were a lot of Presidents day sales today, Mitt Romney was confused he thought the presidency was actually for sale today...
←Rate | 02-20-2012 23:40 by MATT Comments (0)  

   messageicon Attention, guys wearing "skinny Jeans", you took the phrase "getting into her pants" the wrong way
←Rate | 03-03-2012 14:44 by Matt Comments (0)  

   messageicon Japan`s earthquake shifted the earths axis by 10cm. It`s not much but we are well on our way to our toilets flushing counter-clockwise!
←Rate | 03-14-2011 19:33 by Matt Comments (0)  

   messageicon I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe
←Rate | 04-14-2020 19:59 by Matt Comments (0)  

   messageicon starting to get nervous about Y3K
←Rate | 07-30-2009 21:30 by matt Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Justing Bieber was a real man, he wouldn't have his own line of womens perfume...
←Rate | 11-30-2011 16:59 by Matt Comments (0)  

   messageicon I know my jeans are too tight when my boxers turn into a banana hammock
←Rate | 10-12-2011 20:27 by Matt Comments (0)  

   messageicon Came home from work last nite just plain tired so I sat down to relax - five minutes later there was a knock on the door - it was my rear just catching up
←Rate | 02-28-2010 22:30 by Matt Comments (0)  

   messageicon Boys make excuses, men make changes...
←Rate | 12-01-2011 19:06 by matt Comments (0)  

   messageicon just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by fleeing the scene of an accident!!!
←Rate | 11-04-2010 12:48 by Matt Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just held the door for an Asian guy. He said "Sank you" so I punched him in the face. I can't believe he brought up Pearl Harbor like that!
←Rate | 07-15-2013 20:22 by Matt Comments (0)  

   messageicon will write you a love song unlike that Sara Bareilles b**ch
←Rate | 05-21-2009 09:40 by matt Comments (0)  

   messageicon Amazon, quit fluctuating your prices all the time. sincerely- your customer!
←Rate | 06-18-2021 21:58 by Matt Comments (0)  

   messageicon A grown man will buy lingerie for the same reason a kid wants a box of cereal were all after the prize inside
←Rate | 12-13-2011 22:33 by MATT Comments (0)  

   messageicon went 2 the corner store and saw the ugliest pregnant lady in the world and I just thought, 'Good for you.
←Rate | 03-16-2010 15:03 by matt Comments (0)  

   messageicon Father's Day is the most confusing day in the Ghetto !!!
←Rate | 06-20-2011 08:16 by Matt Comments (0)  

   messageicon You would think part of Frank Farmer's job would also be protecting her from herself.
←Rate | 02-13-2012 21:32 by Matt Comments (0)  

   messageicon versatile..........put him in any position and he will always perform
←Rate | 05-24-2009 00:05 by matt Comments (0)  


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