Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
4:55 am. Just got back from sneaking into all of your bedrooms and putting your hands in bowls of lukewarm water. 
What sound does a space turkey make??? Hubble Hubble Hubble.
I'm finishing off this bottle of wine because you never know when an asteroid is gonna hit and I'd hate to waste the $6.49 I spent on it.
It don't matter if I'm single, complicated, engaged, married or divorced. My friends always like my status!
Please breathe the other way. You're bleaching my hair.
n't it nice that soon Justin Bieber will go through puberty, Twilight will end, & Mr.Potter's gone? Everything's going to be normal again
I would love to put a smile on your face..and I will be using construction paper and a stapler.
Don't you hate when you read someone's post that you usually find at least a little chuckle of humor in and not only is there no chuckle, it's not even insightful or clever and it's just entirely too long and the sentence runs on and on yet for some reaso
Try saying "good luck" without sounding sarcastic..... Good luck.
Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it
I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead.
It was all good at the HS reunion party until I laughed too hard my gun fell out of my pocket.
"Was that lightning?" "No. They're taking pictures for Google Earth."
What if there's money hidden behind every wall in my house? What if there's a sale on sledgehammers? What if sh*t's about to get crazy?
bring back Gay jeffrey!! I always used his stuff that he put up!!!
It's cute how "America's Got Talent" focuses on singing & dancing instead of our real talents: overeating & complaining.
Be as smart as Wikipedia, but think like Google
You had me at "Restraining Order."
Moonwalking into exam rooms is how I let patients know they are going to die.
I dont see what's the big deal about Bath Salt Water... I tried it and nothing happened, but I gotta tell ya..... Everything sure looks like CHICKEN!!! 