Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4398 of 6446

Q:why are black folks mad at God A: you would be too if he put p*bic hair on top of your head.
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01-17-2015 10:55
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would like to thanks Canada for helping the U.S. with the war in Iraq, by sending BOTH of their airplanes over to help!!
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01-06-2010 20:29 by CB
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You call them "bullies." I call them "crusaders against childhood obesity."

seriously, Obama. Quit tweeting about the damn fiscal cliff and fix it already...
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12-03-2012 14:45
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confused by all the people I've seen today complaining about of all things FACEBOOK...if this is your biggest problem today I'm sure thousands of soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan would gladly take your problem over what they're dealing with.
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09-21-2011 21:19 by Mike R
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An Apple a day keeps Windows Away ...
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02-21-2010 17:12
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I like my women like I like my toaster, with two big warm holes and doesn't leave the kitchen !!
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03-09-2012 08:07
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Big girls take photos from the neck up.
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12-10-2011 18:27 by fadolo
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Had my physical today. After the doctor left another doctor came in & said the three words no man wants to hear: “Who was that?”
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09-28-2021 15:55
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Whenever I see a fat kid walking I think to myself "why walk when you could just roll"?
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07-13-2011 14:24
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Even though I said I dont care about you I still check your facebook every once in a while, just to see how youre doing.
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07-25-2011 22:07 by BEGO
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The only words missing from the bible are once upon a time and happily ever after.

She goes down faster than power windows
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08-03-2011 08:38 by jdirt
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Your boyfriend is such a playa, when he sends you a text message on your phone it goes to the ''games'' folder.
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04-05-2011 16:25
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I believe in God…However, rest assured that unless you are a woman, with a weird fetish, I will NOT be throwing bibles at you…
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02-04-2011 10:14 by M.A.C.
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■The dollar store needs to go ahead and open up a few gas stations.
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10-26-2011 10:02
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Instead of calling it a "Gatorade Shower" we should call it "Electrolyte Bukkake"

A JOB you say? You mean when the person @ the top (CEO) makes the most money, then the vice-president below, then middle management, then store managers/supervisors, then the hard-working employees at the bottom. Hmmm looks like a pyramid scheme to me.
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10-14-2013 03:22 by Danmanz
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doesn't think both of the Dr.'s hands belong on my shoulders during the prostate exam.
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12-05-2009 12:09 by Tim
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I am strong coz I have been weak, I am beautiful coz I know my flaws, I am a lover coz I am a fighter, I am fearless coz I have been afraid. I am wise coz I have been foolish & I can laugh coz I have also known sadnes, I know my past yet I can c my future