Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Coffee so black it drop out of high school

   Q:why are black folks mad at God A: you would be too if he put p*bic hair on top of your head.

   You call them "bullies." I call them "crusaders against childhood obesity."

   seriously, Obama. Quit tweeting about the damn fiscal cliff and fix it already...

   confused by all the people I've seen today complaining about of all things FACEBOOK...if this is your biggest problem today I'm sure thousands of soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan would gladly take your problem over what they're dealing with.

   Hamas is not what it used to be. You can see they don't have the money anymore. Instead of 70 virgins, martyrs now get a gift certificate to Olive Garden.

   An Apple a day keeps Windows Away ...

   Had my physical today. After the doctor left another doctor came in & said the three words no man wants to hear: “Who was that?”

   I like my women like I like my toaster, with two big warm holes and doesn't leave the kitchen !!

   Big girls take photos from the neck up.

   Whenever I see a fat kid walking I think to myself "why walk when you could just roll"?

   Even though I said I dont care about you I still check your facebook every once in a while, just to see how youre doing.

   The only words missing from the bible are once upon a time and happily ever after.

   She goes down faster than power windows

   Your boyfriend is such a playa, when he sends you a text message on your phone it goes to the ''games'' folder.

   I believe in God…However, rest assured that unless you are a woman, with a weird fetish, I will NOT be throwing bibles at you…

   Note to self - when you elect a joke candidate, you get a joke President.

   doesn't think both of the Dr.'s hands belong on my shoulders during the prostate exam.

   I am strong coz I have been weak, I am beautiful coz I know my flaws, I am a lover coz I am a fighter, I am fearless coz I have been afraid. I am wise coz I have been foolish & I can laugh coz I have also known sadnes, I know my past yet I can c my future

   What do you call a thousand armed lesbians?... Militia Ethridge!