Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

   Charlie Sheens Interview was like watching Tom Arnold, Tom Cruise and Michael J. Fox all rolled into one human.

   Happy Kissing Friday Today..and tomorrow...Happy Coldsore Saturday....:)

   If I had to do it all over again, I'd have studied in school...OR tucked it like lady gaga and snorted everything like charlie sheen...society makes the ladder more appealing....

   I think long engagements are important because you should really get to know someone before you totally use and degrade them.

   to all my friends who wished me happy birthday today, thank you! You've really made me smile. Especially cause it wasn't really my birthday. Happy April Fools! :)

   did NOT wake up this morning feeling like P. Diddy. :-(

   that happy feeling you get when you see your bus coming.

   You should worry less about hurting me and more about how you're hurting yourself by missing out on me.

   Likes cooking just to see how fast fire trucks can really go

   When people go camping. are they practicing being homeless,lol?

   You've been rejected more times than the Chinese guy that stands in the mall food court trying to hand out samples of bourbon chicken.

   How do you say "virgin" in Dutch? Goodentight.

   She's not a ‘stop-along-the-way' She's my destination.

   Aah cute! A little spider crawling on my screen...RIP little one

   She keeps complaining that I always do her with socks on.. I suppose wearing a condom would be better...

   Some people don't need an "Easy" button, they need a "STFU" button.

   I just gave Gatorade to my neighbor's horse...it's been running in circles for 2 hours

   I'll date anyone who isn't an idiot, hints the reason I'm still single.

   Don't you think it's time we stopped blaming our problems on people in our past and started blaming them on people in the future?