Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Hey look! I am invisible!

   I was asked if i'd volunteer for Comic Relief at work. All i'd have to do is wear funny clothes,answer the phone,write a few notes,chat and joke with others and eat junk food. Of course I said "Yes". Who wouldnt want to be like their boss for just one day

   Life is like a kernel of corn. You'll go through some $hit, only to come out clean in the end.

   The winner of the rat race is still a rat.

   working on my taxes and has come to the conclusion that taxation WITH respresentation is not that great either...

   Telepath wanted...you know where to apply.

   Do your best to limit the number of boundaries you set in life. Not everything you're looking for lies within that yellow tape.

   going outside to walk around in circles....cause thats how I stroll.

   Support your local record store today, because you can't roll a joint on a download b*tches.

   Conan O'Brien was on 60 Minutes this weekend . Jay Leno appeared 30 minutes in to take over due to 60 minutes "losing viewers and profits."

   Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife....

   When you are SINGLE all you see are happy couples.... When you are COMMITTED all you see are happy SINGLES!!! ;-)

   When we cannot bear to be alone, it means we do not properly value the only companion we will have from birth to death - ourselves

   Today's lunch: Redman and Dr. Pepper..slimy yet satisfying.

   The opinions expressed here are not those of my employer, my wife, my church, or myself... But they are the opinions of Elvis as revealed to me through the medium of my pet hamster, Lee Harvey Oswald...

   wants to point out that real men don't sparkle.

   repairing his/her wall. Thanks Kool Aid Man.

   The skeletons in my closet have requested a walk in!!!

   Mistakes are made from time to time. Without them, most of us would have never been born.

   I'm one click of the mouse away from taking over the world. HA, HA, HA......