Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Getting in the Holiday spirit, just put Mistletoe in my wallet.

   feels like an Atari 2600 in a Playstation 3 world.

   When picking out a name for your kid make sure it's something you won't mind saying a BILLION times.

   it's nearing the festive season again and so just a reminder that a doggy is not just for christmas, it's a great position all year round!

   Local girl Joanna Mow leaps to her death on her birthday... Your middle name wouldn't be Ronny would it ,Jo?

   Trying to find a website with all the WikiLeaks information just in case they also have Santa's naughty list!

   Some relatives are like seeing Santa; you only care to see them once a year.

   Using a stapler and duct tape sure makes wrapping presents easy....

   I struggle every time someone says "I want the truth" not to tell them "you can't handle the truth!"

   I hate when people put every detail of everything they do on here! I don't want to know about what you are doing at every moment, be right back I have to poop!

   If I haven't seen you naked enter your name below so we can sort this problem out :P

   Before I was married I had three theories about raising children...now I have 3 children and absolutely no theories!!

   hopes Santa got Charlie Brown a football tee this year.

   For this is a special time when family And friends get togetherfor fun. Wishing laughter and fun to cheer your days, In this festive season of holidays and always!!!

   I have deja moo... the feeling I have heard this bull before.

   Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson (Good Luck to those playing the powerball!!)

   Relax everyone...My pink flamingo is still standing in my front yard...I think it's over now.

   Apparently society isn't sympathetic about testicular cancer awareness…You check yourself in one mirror at the mall, and you go from health conscious, to sexual predator in a heartbeat...(more in comments)

   Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

   Marshawn Lynch just became the first caveman to score a touchdown in Seattle playoff history.