Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Now that we have a cease fire in Gaza, I wish Obama would send Clinton to work on the Hostess/Twinkie mess....

   I finally met someone that used the words, "Cray, Cray". Where do I put the body? My yard is full.

   Life has no remote. You have to get up and change it yourself.

   Told a girl to make me a sandwich & she was like "go away, sexist idiot!". Cool but telling me I'm sexy doesn't make me less hungry.

   If Cinderella's shoe fit perfect, why did it slip off to start with?

   There's not much creepier than an old man with an earring.

   Life is no longer a box of chocolates, I ate them all.

   Maybe poor people don't even like food,, we don't know.

   I want to find a lawyer that makes $130,000 payments on my behalf, for things I never did, and he doesn't ask for repayment. Amazing.

   Heck .... If you don't want to make America Great Again .... What else would you want to do with the country?

   If Hillary wins the White House, I'm moving to a country that will be considerably more safe: Yemen.

   Enough with all the religious posts. You're just fighting over who has the better imaginary friend.

   Happy Friday!! And to all my Atheist and Agnostic friends out there... T_IF!!

   Obama has finally assembled a solid team. Unfortunately, it was for the Taliban.

   The 5th Commandment, Thou shall not kill...Murder. But isn't it funny that more people have been killed in the name of God then in any other event ever on this planet.

   It's weird how a crazy white woman gets away with murder and we STILL don't know who killed Tupac o.O

   ■Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital.

   A cop pulls over a guy. He says "Sir your eyes are alittle glazed, have you been drinking?" The man replies "Gee officer your eyes look alittle glazed too, have you been eating doughnuts?"

   I think it's smart that Pittsburgh fans carry yellow crying towels to soak up their tears.

   No wonder you're so fat.......you're full of sh*t!