Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Well APPARENTLY,,,, baby powder + water does not make a baby................... Myth,, BUSTED...

   Justin Bieber's perfume smells like Bubble gum and shame

   It's a shame that most things aren't pies. More things should be pies.

   Please print out and redeem this post at your local retailer to receive one free: "What the FRIG is this?"

   Three things that shouldn't be broken : friendships, hearts and promises.

   i think chubby chasers are just lazy people, I mean...really, how far is this 'chase'

   I wonder if Satan ever gets tired of getting Xmas letters from dyslexic kids.

   "Shuck, Fit, Ciss, Punt!" - Dyslexic Tourettes Sufferer.

   just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks so if you're swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!

   Don't be selfish with your prayers.

   Celebrity Ghost Stories are first hand experiences of celebrities who smoked crack.

   It's the strangest feeling when you come out of the cinema when a film ends, because you were so sucked into the film that you forget all about real life.

   It's really annoying when people tell you to be yourself, just as you're about to turn into a lamp.

   Olive Garden says: "When you're here you're family". I won't go there out of fear of a woman resembling my grandmother running out of the kitchen and throwing a shoe at my head.

   shocked that thousands of military personnel have lost their lives and no one says a thing. a drugged out celebrity dies and... well, you know. now THAT'S FUNNY!!!

   I wish the oil companies would give up "ridiculous price gouging" for lent...

   The hardest choice I have to make everyday is what to wear cause if I turn into a zombie I want to look good!

   People with a Bluetooth look like they're communicating with Douchebag Mission Control.

   i'm feeling a little off today , wanna turn me on?

   1 universe, 9 planets, 204 countries, 809 islands,7 seas, over 6 billion people, and I had the unfortunate luck of meeting you.