Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   - I can't believe we only managed a draw against a sh*t team we should easily have beaten........I'm ashamed to call myself Algerian.....

   Bigger isn't always better. Thighs, for example.

   Fathers Day in the ghetto must be so damn confusing...

   Dont make fun of fat kids... they have enough on their plate.

   I'm making Uncle Ben's rice, Aunt Jemima's pancakes, and Cream Of Wheat for supper. There's a burning cross on my lawn.

   I am thoroughly convinced that some women don't fart. They just hold it in and it comes out as drama.

   A smart man never interrupts his wife.....when she is......... cooking cleaning and doing laundry!

   Me and my ex were together for like 9 years, and I will say this about her, even twords the end she still brought out the animal in me. Everytime she got into bed I would run to the door and start scratching and whining to be let out. :P

   they say the taste of love is sweet. That's bullsh!t everyone knows it's salty.

   I know Karate!.........and, like 2 other Japanese words.

   Do you work at Subway?... Cuz you just gave me a footlong!

   FACEBOOK IS A HELL OF A DRUG!!!

   My ex calls me up and says "My panties are wet" and I said "I'll be right over" and she said "Bring your tools, the washer's broke again"..........and then I hung up on her..

   Whoa, this weather is bringing out everything.. Theirs some old people out driving right now and don't even know it..

   I need a get-thin-quick scheme.

   It's a shame lipstick doesn't do what it says.

   I love listening to my neighbor talk about his four year degree and when he's done I say...can you supersize that, then drive up to the pick up window.

   I Haven't been to church in a couple years, sure hope I don't catch on fire........

   Colgate sucks,i prefer use photoshop whitening!

   getting d̶r̶u̶n̶k̶ deliciously enlightened