Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Cuddling is all fun and games until somebody pitches a tent..

   I thought I saw an "Occupy Wall Street" support group tonight....Turns out it was just a dozen city cops occupying Dunkin' Donuts.

   Sitting on Santas lap and realising you're not the only excited one.

   I would totally vote for Herman Cain but only if he introduces himself at the next debate by singing, "Here I am!! Rock you like a Herman Cain!! "

   I just watched Godzilla backwards. It's like, it's about this dinosaur who insanely pieces a city back together, then moonwalks into the ocean.

   On a scale from 1-10, how much do you like the number 7?

   I think "Magic Mike" will lead to many a man getting laid because of their woman coming home from the theatre horny. Thanks Magic Mike

   This is a very important announcement: On July 18th, 2012 at approximately 12 noon, Facebook will observe an hour of silence in recognition of my AWESOMENESS!

   I love how my laptopshasta a warning that says You should change your battery or switch to outlet power immediately to keep from losing your work. Lol "work". I wish I got paid to watch porn..

   I sure hope the royal divorce is as hyped as the royal wedding.

   This alcohol diet is freaking awesome, I've already lost 3 days.

   I need a stunt double because I am so damn tired of jumping through hoops!

   The mannequin challenge was invented when a democrat was offered a job...

   In fairness to Trump, he thinks "vindicated" is a euphemism for getting peed on by a hooker.

   I'm so glad we don't have a Democrat president or else everyone would be crying.....wait everyone is!

   Got my ancestry DNA results back. It seems I related to Adam and Eve.

   If you want to repeal something, please for the love of God don't replace it with nothing!

   I know his chest pain was not cause by his heart, because he doesn't have one

   I'm glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake and a hug as a greeting instead of the whole a$$ sniffing thing.

   MASA - Make America Smart Again