Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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It's not a Toomah!! 
hopes those of you who aren't funny are the first do go on saturday.
There must be a lot of people dumping F/B due to how lame some of these post have become.
I just baptized a bale of hay and now I have a Christian Bale.
Be advised, if you read a status from me pertaining to driving, that I have safely pulled the vehicle safely off the road to update said status. Why? Because dying on the job wasn't in the contract. That is all
Q: What is red and smells like blue paint? A: Red paint.
Did ya ever want to throw a breath mint in someone's mouth while they were talking?
HEADLINE: Justin Bieber wins big, trashes rumours at EMAs. You go girrrrrrrrrrrrrl....
My wife dropped her purse and now my balls hurt.
I enjoy long hugs and slow kisses.
its goin to be drizzy outside.......so expect a lil wayne
Yesterday my coworker gave me the finger but today we're cool... this morning he high 4'd me.
Mark Zukerberg should have changed his status instead of Married..to "Its Complicated" - looking at his failing IPO
Nemo is such a badass. He was the first one of his friends to touch a butt
To my beautiful friends in Denver. You have London by your side today. Go Broncos!
If you #FeeltheBern you may want to see a doctor. You probably have a UTI or STD.
No thanks women who lift weights, only one of us must look like a man in this relationship
LBJ. 36th President or Mexican porn star??
Funny, I have not heard Tracy Morgan say "cracker" in a few days.
My Hamster passed today,,,, Yeah, he fell asleep at the wheel.... :( 